By Any Means
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: Life is never easy for a Son and Milla is learning just how hard it is for a daughter too.  Will she crumble and fall or will she and Juice keep their family together and whole by any means ncessary?  Juice/Milla, a continuation of their story.
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter One**

"Ok Mrs. Epps, I'll be sure that the song plays at the funeral. I am truly sorry for your loss. I loved him like a big brother. Yes I promise that the note you wrote will be read. I am so sorry, please get well and I'm sure Kip is watching over you, loving you as fiercely as you love him. Yes, ma'am god bless you too." I hung up with Kip's Mom and felt like I should be crying but there was just too much to do. I never really appreciated what my Mom went through every day. At the thought of my Mom I had to sit down, the headache this time was unbearable. I wanted to go to the doctor to find out why these headaches were hitting me so hard and so often but I couldn't bring myself to leave the planning to anyone else.

"Do you need help with anything Mrs. Ortiz?" I looked up to see Chuckie looking lost in the doorway to the office. I'd been splitting my time pretty evenly between TM and Elliot since everything started. Ironically having such an increased workload had made me a much better assistant.

"It's Milla, Chuckie and actually yes. If you could get Phil for me it would be great, he offered to type up the inserts for the memorial cards for me." I gave him a smile as I resisted rubbing my head.

"No problem Mrs.-um Milla." and he was out like a shot, I liked the well meaning man, even if his fingers freaked me out.

I rubbed my eyes as I tried in vain to work the pain out of my head like you'd work a sore muscle. I reached over and took my glass of water when the door opened and the big man appeared filling the doorway. I gave him a slightly pained smile and he took it for the invitation it was.

"You still need me to type up the inserts?" Phil asked and I nodded, wishing I hadn't, "Do you need me to call Juice, have him get you something?"

"No Phil I'm just in the midst of another headache. I have what I want in the inserts but the good fast printer is in the clubhouse, tell Piney you're working for me and he'll let you do the work on the club comp. I just need you to type what I have there and do some editing and make it look classy. The computer screen is kicking my ass right now." I looked over and saw the big man smiling. He'd been hanging out for a couple of months now and was a good guy. He could hack and do tech stuff, not to Juice's level but he could handle things if Juice was away from the fort. That was a big reason why he was being considered as a Prospect. He'd put his hat in the ring a week ago with Shepard and Miles and with the lack of bodies around the table it seemed like the Prospecting was imminent.

"No problem, I hope you feel better Milla." He rested a hand on my shoulder before he took the papers from me and went out the door.

"I hope so too." I whispered as I leaned back in the seat and picked up the time cards, didn't want the mechanics to go without their pay for this period. I continued working in the dark, over the last couple of days I'd become adept at it, the headaches had gotten worse.

My headache was starting to subside and I felt restless so I left the office and went to the clubhouse. Over the last couple of days the mood was somber at best, depressing and soul crushing seemed more appropriate. With the little prince taken and the queen in the wind we were unsure of our footing. Juice had said once that I was going to be queen. If what was happening now was any indication it was a pipe dream. I walked into the clubhouse and saw a sight which would have enraged me earlier, now it was just something happening. Juice was getting a back rub from a croweater. It didn't bother me because I trusted him and knew he was tense, if the back rub made him feel better I was all for it. He looked up from his laptop and the look of relief when he saw me was flattering. I walked up to him and the sweetbutt made to move away but I shook my head.

"Be careful with his lower back but the knots by his shoulder blades are the worst." She nodded and concentrated on his shoulder blades while I took the seat opposite him.

"Phil said you had another headache. You should go in or at least talk to Tara." Juice said before he hissed, she'd found a knot.

"Tara's going through enough shit right now and there's too much to do. We have the wake tomorrow night and the funeral the next morning, not to mention the backlog at the garage, and my duties for Elliot. There's too much to do and no one else to do it." A sharp pain shot through my head and I put my hand to it before I could stop myself.

"You're killing yourself and I can't watch that happen. I'll have Phil and one of the Old Ladies work on the funeral stuff and Lyla can work in the garage, she seemed to handle the paper work pretty well. I think you should quit working for Elliot. I know he's a nice guy and it pays well but it's not worth losing you or Espy." The sweetbutt had realized that we were discussing personal matters and left while Juice took my hand.

"I can't do any of that baby, I don't trust anyone else with this." I rubbed my eyes with my free hand and met Juice's scowl.

"Are you or are you not my Old Lady?" He asked and moved his hand to my wrist so I wouldn't bolt.

"It's not that easy baby, I'm also the president's daughter and queen in absentia. They need me to do this." My eyes stung and Juice took a deep breath.

"I need you to be healthy and calm and bring our baby to term. You think this stress is only getting to you babe?" He took my hand and placed it on my stomach. "Esperanza needs you to be healthy and calm. If I lost either of you it would fuck with me, you know that. I'm going to take you home, put you to bed and have people who aren't you take care of things. Do this tonight and I'll back off."

"I'll go home, I just don't know how I can stop this. I don't feel like my feet are on the ground anymore baby." He moved his hand from my stomach to my neck and pulled my mouth to his.

"That's why I'm here, to keep you on the ground." He said as we pulled apart.

"I love you and I listen to you I just don't know what to do right now." I took a deep breath and Juice pressed his forehead to mine.

He kissed me again and brought me home. As he slowly made love to me I began to feel more like myself and I didn't have any more headaches for the rest of the night.

* * *

"When will Looney and Desiree be here baby?" I asked Juice as I looked through the list for the wake RSVPs, we had people coming all the way from Newark for the wake and the funeral. Juice had called Tara without my knowledge and told her my symptoms so now I was monitored and had to work in short shifts.

"Anytime baby. Fuck!" He was on the laptop while I was on my IPhone, just checking off lists of names.

"Still nothing? No contact from SAMBEL yet?" Since Hayes was True IRA it made sense to put our feelers out in Belfast.

"A fucking brick wall, fuck." He was upset so I got down from my perch and wrapped my arms around his neck, He pressed his face to my chest and inhaled and I felt him calm down, we worked like that for each other and that was one of the reasons we simply _worked. _I held him as I looked at the wall.

"Shit! I've gotta go baby, talk to the mortuary. Paco and Chick from Thief River are going with me." He nodded and I gave him a quick peck before I went out the door. Today was a busy day and I needed to get what I could done.

As I made my way to the funeral home I passed by Jax' house and I couldn't resist I had to see my big brother, see Tara. What I'd heard hadn't been good and I needed to let him know that no matter what I was there. With a quick signal to Paco and Chick I did a U'y and pulled into the driveway. The guys stayed with their bikes and I knocked softly on the door. I waited sbout a minute before Tara answered.

"Tara, I…" I started and she grabbed me in a hug. I hugged her tighter and we just held each other. Before she let me go and dabbed at her eyes.

"He's in the nursery if you wanna see him." She moved away from the door and let me in. I stopped her after she shut the door.

"Before I see him I have to let you know. This wasn't your fault, none of it. Your death would have accomplished nothing." She shook her head and I took her hand.

"I think you're alone in that sentiment." She took a deep breath and took her hand away.

"No I'm not. I'm gonna go check on Jax, then I have to run some errands. Just know that I love you Tara." I pulled her into a hug before I moved to the nursery. There was Jax, laying down on the floor by the crib, so lost. I didn't have the heart to talk to him so I walked back out and waved at Tara as I moved to the front door. So much to do, never enough time.

* * *

"I'm glad you could make it. Thank you." I hugged Desiree as she kissed my head.

"We're saying goodbye to a Son, of course I'm here." She hugged me back and Juice put a hand to my shoulder.

"I'm gonna go with the boys, love you baby." He kissed the top of my head and went to the knot at the entrance.

"Love you." I grabbed his hand and we shared a squeeze.

"Gonna go say goodbye darlin'?" Desiree asked and I shook my head.

"I've said my goodbyes. As soon as I can I'm heading outside, it's too thick to breathe in here." She nodded and hugged me again before she moved away.

Juice came through the crowd again with the guys and gave me a sympathetic look. My Dad passed soon after and stopped to give me a quick hug.

"I'm proud of you baby." He kissed my forehead before he went with the rest of the guys to say their goodbyes.

Soon the knot of guys went toward the door and Juice took my hand and walked me outside, he knew I needed fresh air. I walked with him on one side and Dad on the other and leaned my head on his shoulder. I needed _eau de Juice _to get me right and he continued talking to my Dad and Hap. I noticed Chuckie standing, looking lost like he always did and moved ahead of the group and out of the safety of Juice's arms to talk to him. Then time slowed down.

As I walked to Chuckie the air was filled with the sound of gunshots. I saw people going down, either shot or protecting themselves. I didn't know which and didn't have time to think about it when I felt something hit my chest, then my arm. I fell to the ground and barely had time to register the cold heat that had seeped into my body. The world was getting dark around the edges when I saw Juice's and Piney's faces above me.

"Don't leave me baby, don't you fucking leave me!" He shouted and the world started getting darker. "We have to stop the fucking bleeding."

As his voice got more desperate I was finally pulled under. Then I was floating in the endless dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters and storylines are my own. **

**Chapter Two**

The darkness I was floating in slowly turned to a grey as consciousness came back to me and suddenly I was aware. This awareness brought a flood of pain and panic but also an edge of annoyance when I heard shouting from somewhere beyond my line of vision. The voices were familiar but I wasn't awake enough to grasp who they were.

"This would have happened whether she was my wife or not!" Male voice one.

"You so sure about that bikerboy? Where the fuck were you? When I got here she was fucking alone, what if she would have woken up without you scared and confused huh? I was right you never think about anyone other than yourself. You're a fucking prick!" Female voice one.

"Easy brother you don't want to crack a woman in the middle of a crowded hospital." Male voice two.

"I shouldn't have called you, you're making things worse Chantal." Female voice two and at the mention of the name full awareness came back to me. Juice was fighting with Chantal and Opie and Lyla were trying to be peacemakers. I made a noise and suddenly a very feminine hand was in mine.

"Sweetheart?" I painfully opened one eye, not completely able to focus and by the time I did her hand was pulled from mine replaced by my husband's rough one. Suddenly he was dominating my vision and I felt safe.

"Oh god baby…" Was all he said before he brought my hand to his lips.

"I'm gonna go get Dr. Nior." Lyla rested a hand on his shoulder and he nodded before he pulled up a chair never letting go of my hand.

"Esp- Is Espy?" My voice was so weak that it frightened me.

"The baby's fine." His eyes were moist and I wanted to kiss the burgeoning tears away. "You were shot twice Milla, once in the chest and once in the arm. The chest shot shattered your collarbone, the arm shot passed clean through. You also had a heart attack baby."

Oh great the family flaw waited until now to make an appearance. I had been put on meds throughout my life and the tear in my heart was supposed to be small enough that the meds took care of it. I hoped Juice put his boot up my cardiologist's ass. He held my hand like it was a lifeline and stayed silent; he obviously didn't want to upset me further.

"Any-Anyone else…" I coughed a little and Juice looked stricken.

"Two other people were shot, Chuckie and a little boy, no one's dead." I took a deep breath then started coughing again, damn it hurt.

"I'm going to go and get her some meds." I looked over to see Chantal, she looked deeply troubled.

"You do that and don't come back." Juice seethed and I flexed my fingers and he brought my hand to his lips again.

"I'll be back babe, no matter what the Neanderthal here thinks." She went out the door and Juice ran a hand over his Mohawk in frustration.

"Love you." Fitting that that's the first full thought I can express.

"I love you so much baby. I'm not leaving your side." I turned my head a bit and saw Opie leaning against the door jamb.

"Club, you gotta work for the club." I coughed again and Juice stared blankly at me.

"She's right brother, just because your lady's hurt doesn't mean you aren't our intel officer anymore. Clay will understand when you have to visit." Opie, always the voice of reason.

"Is Dad ok? Mom? Jax?" I needed to know my family was ok.

"Clay's at the clubhouse talking to everyone. I don't know about Gemma but I'll find out and Jax is in jail." I tried to sit up at the last and the pain kept me on my back.

"Why? What did Jax do?" Since the weakness had seeped out of me I could speak normally again.

"One of the shooters fell out of the van and he bashed his head against the road, right in front of the cops." Juice got a wicked gleam in his eye and I felt the ghost of a smile on my face.

"Should've curbstomped the bastard. Is my arm in traction?" I realized that I couldn't move my left arm and I was in a panic.

"Yeah, with the collar bone they needed to put you in traction. You'll be in surgery later today once they get the orthopedic surgeon from Sacramento. I'll try to be here when you go under but Ope's right, we have a lot of shit to cover." He squeezed my hand and I understood, he was my husband and the father of our child but he was still a Son and in times like this that took priority.

"Knock, knock, I heard my patient was awake." I looked toward the door and saw Dr. Nior come through the door followed by Lyla and Chantal who cast a quick glare in Juice's direction, a look which he returned before he gave a smile to the doctor. "How are you feeling Milla, I know you're in pain and probably nauseated but what else are you feeling?"

"Scared, worried, irritated, panicked, is Esperanza going to be ok?" I looked into her kind eyes and felt a myself tense again.

"I'll tell you as soon as we get some breathing room in here. Ladies, gentleman I need you to go in the hall. I'm going to conduct an examination and only the patient's husband is allowed to be present. You can see Milla later." Lyla nodded but Chantal refused to budge.

"Please Chantal, you don't have to leave but the doctor needs to do her job." She looked at me and nodded before she moved to the side the doctor was on. Dr. Nior moved as Chantal leaned down and kissed my lips gently, knowing she could get away with it with the doctor in the room.

"I love you and I'm not leaving this hospital for _anything_." She gave me a soft look and moved out the door. Lyla and Opie took her place.

"I've gotta go to the clubhouse Mills but I'll be back to check on you later. I'll see if I can bring you any news." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Thanks Ope, love you." He nodded and stood by Lyla who leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"I'm gonna go check on the kids but I'm sure they wanna see you. As soon as they can we'll be here. I love you." She smiled and I felt a lot calmer.

"I love you too, tell Ellie that Espy's ok." She nodded and went out the door with Opie's arm around her waist.

"Ok, now that the room's cleared we can talk." She picked up my charts and looked them over. "The good news is that you've stabilized, your heart is back to beating normally and your blood pressure is only a little high. The bad news is that this is only a temporary state. I've talked with Mr. Ortiz about the symptoms you've been exhibiting for the last couple of weeks and it boggles my mind why you haven't been in earlier. You have the classic symptoms of high blood pressure and with your heart defect and pregnancy it's a very bad idea to keep piling stress on the way you do. I've already decided to put you on bedrest for the remainder of your pregnancy; you're only getting up to use the restroom, get food etc. According to your husband your family employs a nurse I say you up her pay scale and have her take care of you as well."

"Are the headaches because of the high blood pressure?" I asked and she nodded.

"There is a very good chance that the headaches you're having are microstrokes brought on by the high blood pressure and your high stress lifestyle. Until we do an MRI and CT Scan I can't be sure. As for the baby, her heart rate's stronger and steadier than yours is. You have a tough little firecracker there. Most women would have lost their babies from something like this but you have a fighter. She reminds me of your mother." I felt tears in my eyes at the mention of my mom and she gave me a sad smile. "A lot of us respect your mother and hope that she's doing ok, but right now, you and the baby are priority numero uno. I'm going to give you a very mild pain killer that won't harm the baby and then you'll be ready to relax before you go into surgery this afternoon. Doctor Mellencamp is here and is being prepped on your case. I have to go check on some of my other patients but I'm on call if you need me."

She nodded at me then at Juice before she left. He looked so tired and haggard that I realized he hadn't gotten any sleep at all and it was already morning. I reached up and placed my hand on his face as he leaned into it.

"Go get some sleep baby, before Dad calls you." He shook his head, "If you don't wanna leave there's one of those uncomfortable, impractical bed chairs right there. Just slide it over here and you don't even have to let go of my hand."

That got his attention and he moved to the side of the room and brought the chair over. He situated himself in it as best he could and took my hand. With one last loving look he closed his eyes and was out cold. I smiled as his light snores began to drift around the room. I tried to drift off again but found that my brain wouldn't shut off, a side effect of trying to keep everything together. Juice had barely gotten half an hour of sleep when his phone rang and he jerked awake. With a curse he picked up his phone and answered.

"Yeah Clay, just woke up. I'm at St. Thomas with Milla. She's doing better but the doc's worried. Yeah you can come see her; the doc doesn't like too many people in her room. Porn slut's in the hallway, haven't told her she could come in yet. I'd appreciate it. Yeah I can do that, just make sure there's someone with Milla. Thanks Clay." He turned and looked at me, alert despite his interrupted sleep. "Clay and the guys are coming to take care of business but he and Jax wanna see you so they're gonna come check you out then we're gonna take care of the business. I probably won't be around for the surgery baby."

"I understand, club business is club business. You know I'll be alright, I have protection detail." I nodded to the door where Paco and Chick were hovering. They'd taken it upon themselves to protect me. "Let Chantal stay baby. I know you two hate each other but she's good to me and I know she'd throw herself in front of any bullet. You know you can trust me."

"I trust you but I will never trust her." He ran his hand over his face and I reached across the bed for his hand. He took it.

"Please, it's the only thing I want." He looked pained but he nodded. He didn't have a chance to say any more before there was a knock at the door and Dad popped his head in. They must have been in the lot when Dad called Juice.

"How's my baby girl?" Dad came to the bed and leaned down to kiss my forehead while Jax came in. Bobby and Chibs must have seen that there was still room because they followed.

"I'm going to live, as long as I follow the doctor's guidelines. Your granddaughter, she's the fighter. According to Dr. Nior she's healthier than I am." Dad got a loving smile on his face and reached down to tuck a stray hair behind my ear.

"That's great baby and you know we're gonna have people on you twenty four/seven to make sure you follow those guidelines." He moved back and let Jax come to me. I was starting to feel like a queen in a receiving line for an audience.

"Hey Millipede, love you." He kissed my forehead as well and I gave him the most loving look I could.

"I love you too, stay strong bro I need you to be strong and so does Abel. I know you'll get him back, I have faith in you." He gave me a small smile before he leaned down to kiss my forehead again before he moved away, "How's Ma?"

"She's doing fine, wants to be home to take care of her little girl though. We'll have Juice call her on the prepay sometime when you two are alone. She wants to hear from you too."Dad stayed at the back while Jax moved toward the door. Bobby and Chibs simply took turns kissing my forehead and telling me they loved me. Apparently everyone loves you if you've been shot.

"Clay, we should be running our errand now." Bobby jerked his head toward the door and Dad nodded.

"Alright, I love you baby girl and the second I can get away I'll be back and the second Juice can get away I'll send him to you. He knows his place is here with you." He kissed my forehead again before he looked at Juice. "Let's head out."

"I love you baby." Juice gave me a kiss and it was deeper and fuller than any he'd given me since I woke up. "I'll be back the fucking second I can."

"Love you and be safe." He nodded and went to the door where Dad threw an arm across his shoulders and they went out. Almost as soon as they were gone a nurse came in and, not telling me what it was, put some drugs in my IV, with that I was finally able to drift off and enjoy some sleep.

I woke up later that night unable to move either arm. I glanced over to see a flexi cast had been strapped to my injured arm, strapping it to my body. I'd have to ask a nurse or doctor in the morning about the extent of the surgery and if I'd be able to hold my daughter. My other arm was pinned under the sleeping head of my husband. He was seated in a chair by the bed, his back bent as he clutched my arm and used it for a make shift pillow. I smiled and went back to sleep I was safe and protected.

**Author's Note: **The next chapter is told from the POV of another character. I hope it works out because I've been planning this one for a while. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It's very flattering.


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Three**

Chantal's POV

When Lyla told me Milla'd been shot I thought she was pulling a cruel twisted joke. Lyla isn't the type of person to do that but I challenge anyone to have their head on straight when they find out the love of their life was the victim of a drive by. I didn't even have time to think, let alone consider the consequences when I hopped in my car and drove to St. Thomas. I knew she'd be at that hospital because of the club ties and the proximity to where the wake was held. I started swearing and hitting my steering wheel. It should have been me there, not her. I was supposed to go to the wake but out of respect for her father stayed back. He didn't want me fighting with Milla's retarded, thug of a husband and stressing her out. Well I'd be fighting the brute now; stupid, selfish prick probably used her as a human shield. Yeah I was being unfair but I was terrified.

I pulled into the lot at St. Thomas and noticed that it was practically empty, there should have been people here. Milla was in there, possibly dying, she shouldn't be alone. That was the thought I needed and I parked my car walking into the hospital like I owned the place. I stopped the first nurse I saw, not caring that she looked overworked and cranky.

"I need Milla Oritz's room." She rolled her eyes and jerked her head to the side.

"Look for leather." I looked where her head had gone and noticed a few guys with patches in the hallway, I saw Lyla's Son standing outside a room. They called him Opie but he was anything but a simpleton. He was smart, and patient a good man, the complete opposite of Milla's dumbass.

I walked up to the room with purpose and Opie gave me a warning look but I ignored it and walked in the room. There was Milla in the bed, her arm was kept in traction cast and she was so pale. I felt the tears pour down my face as I rushed to her side and grabbed her hand. I gasped at how cold it was. This wouldn't have happened if she wasn't with that biker asshole.

"Oh baby, what happened to you?" I kissed her hand and pressed it to my cheek. She was breathing evenly but I could practically see the pain she was in. I was staring at her, trying to memorize her face, the beautiful cheekbones and smooth brow. I couldn't see her dark eyes but they were in my memories. I leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead and wouldn't you know it _that's_ when the dumbass decided to enter the room.

"Get out, just get the fuck out." He went to make a grab for me but I darted out of his reach.

"No, no fucking way am I leaving her. I knew, just fucking knew that something like this would happen. That ring on her finger's like a death sentence." He made a grab for me again and I darted, this time backing into Opie while Lyla went to stand between us.

"This would have happened whether she was my wife or not!" He shouted and moved toward me but Lyla put her hands on his chest and he was in his right mind enough not to push her.

"You so sure about that bikerboy? Where the fuck were you? When I got here she was fucking alone, what if she would have woken up without you scared and confused huh? I was right you never think about anyone other than yourself. You're a fucking prick!" I shouted, unable to control myself. Milla's entire life revolved around this tool and he couldn't even stay with her while she was fighting for her fucking life. Hell she was having his baby, something I knew terrified her. I pushed him too far and he sidestepped Lyla raising his hand to me. I must have really pissed him off because everyone said he was the last guy who would ever hit a woman.

"Easy brother you don't want to crack a woman in the middle of a crowded hospital." Opie said reasonably and the moron backed down.

"I shouldn't have called you, you're making things worse Chantal." Lyla said sadly and I was about to respond when there was a moan from the bed. I went to her and took her hand.

"Sweetheart?" Her eyes were opening and I got a brief peek of that beautiful brown when her man pushed me out of the way and took my place. I took a deep breath and watched the exchange. The thug looked honestly distraught to see Milla like that. He updated her on her condition but looked ready to break down any minute., he was putting up a strong front for her but he was starting to crack. Suddenly Milla started coughing and it broke my heart. I offered to get her some meds and of course he jumped at any excuse to get rid of me.

Eventually he had to leave and I stayed with Milla who was sedated and had to have her collar bone surgically pieced back together. I found a friendly nurse and told her I was Milla's sister in law and she told me that Milla would be lucky if she got even seventy five percent range of motion back in her arm. The moron came back late at night and took my spot by the bed. Rather than fight him this time I went home and went to sleep, there was nothing I could do and I wanted to be fresh when I saw Milla the next morning.

* * *

I got to the hospital much later than I intended. I had a steady job now and had to go in for at least a couple of hours. I never told Milla but she inspired me to get out of the business, well go behind the camera at least. Now I worked as a distribution manager at a small porn company. I used my demographic knowledge to make them money and it felt good not to have to fuck for my paycheck.

"Hey boys." I said to the two Sons who seemed to be permanent installations outside Milla's room. They nodded at me and I went in the room to find Milla sniffling.

"Hey." She saw me come in and tried to use her good hand to wipe up her tears. I grabbed some tissues from the nightstand and sat on the chair next to her, cleaning off her face.

"What's wrong, other than the obvious?" I ran the tissues down her neck, making sure to get most of the tears.

"I don't know what to do Chantal. It's just another thing to add to my list." She took one of the tissues from me and blew her nose. I looked at her with raised eyebrows and she broke down, "I just found out that sex is no longer allowed. With my heart, the blood pressure, the arm it's a no go. Juice is such a sexual being I can't deny him that! I mean, do I let him go to croweaters, or can I in all good conscience deny him that?"

She cried in earnest and I chuckled. Here it was the _perfect _chance to put a wedge between them and I couldn't do it. Hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do and even if I'd be doing _him_ a favor in the long run I couldn't allow her to agonize over this.

"Yeah, you can deny him that. I know you two had that bump in the road but he's, I can't believe I'm saying this, he's proven that he can control that side of him." She looked relieved.

"I just feel so pathetic right now. I'm trapped in this bed and so much is going on."She sighed and pressed herself deeper into her pillows.

"At least you're being kept in the loop. I know you'd be going crazy otherwise." She nodded before she looked at me seriously.

"I have a favor to ask you." She said in a tone that was all business.

"Anything." I meant it, if I could do it I would.

"Back off on Juice. I know you two hate each other but it stresses me out when you're at each other's throats. He's my husband that means he'll win every time. I'm sorry to be so blunt but nothing else seems to get through to you. I don't need that shit right now." Wow, I never really thought about what I was putting her through. I just wanted to tell off the dumbass.

"I'll try." She nodded and closed her eyes, the meds she was on must have tired her out. While she napped I read the book I brought with me. As I read _Great Expectations _I couldn't help but see parallels between my story and Pip's. We both had this unrequited love that drove us to try to better ourselves and make us desirable to our loves. The difference being that Estella was a cruel bitch and Milla was a saint who did everything she could to spare me but like Estella she married a thug, though I could admit that he'd rather die than hurt her. Milla didn't go out of her way to hurt me and stomp on my heart but I could see her mom going all Miss Havisham and setting her on the unsuspecting world. I felt my phone ring and saw that it was Tina, one of the few Cara Cara friends I retained. Since Milla was sleeping I could answer.

"Hey Chanty! Long time no talk Chica. Anywho, think you could use some extra cash?" That was Tina, talk, talk, talk.

"What do you mean?" I reached out a hand and smoothed the hair behind Milla's ear.

"Just got a call from Lyla, the Sons are hosting a porn party for some Chinese guy and they want entertainment, it's five thousand for each of us for an afternoon of work. What do you say, need the extra cash?" This had me thinking, if the Sons were throwing a porn party it meant that Milla's boy would be sexually frustrated in a room of porn stars. He needed monitoring. "Count me in, what are the deets?"

"I'll pick you up around two, we'll get all dolled up and blow the minds of those business men. Maybe I can blow that hot Son, Mr. Mohawk." She giggled and I bristled.

"Touch him and I will kill you. He's Milla's husband and if you fuck with him I will fuck you up." I growled and I knew she backed down.

"Ok, ok, you know I wouldn't hurt Milla. It was just a joke. So two?" She sounded apologetic so I let her off the hook.

"Two, I'll see you then babe." She hung up and I caressed Milla's face again. What I was doing was for her.

* * *

I stood in the corner of the restaurant getting felt up by a Chinese guy and more annoyed by the minute. When Milla's Dad had seen that I was part of the group he was pissed, then I'd said I'd do it for free and that killed his protests. Milla's husband and I kept distance between us, he didn't want to ruin the deal and I didn't want to actively break my promise to her. It was fine watching Tina get him drinks and run her hand over his head that was just part of his personality but when Miranda and Connie sat on his lap I was ready to kill.

I put off the guy for as long as I could and was rewarded when Lyla's well meaning man ran in the back and tore the place to hell. I didn't have to worry about Milla's husband anymore, he joined the fray and beat the hell out of some chinamen. I pushed my back into the corner and pulled any girl I could to me. Getting hurt wasn't in the plans and no one paid extra. Once it was done we were dismissed and Milla's guy stopped me.

"You didn't have to watch me you know. I wouldn't have done anything." He was trying so I took a deep breath, she wanted me to behave so I could.

"Well I could lie and say that I wanted to see you fuck up, I didn't. I know you aren't getting all of your _needs _met and I didn't want the little head controlling the big head." He just shook his head and actually smiled at me.

"She told you what the doctor said huh? I've gone without before sweetie and if it means keeping Milla secure in _us _I'll be celibate as a fucking monk. It's not like I don't have a right hand." That made me smile and I nodded.

"Yeah, you're annoyingly loyal. I have a suggestion. Why don't we have a truce, a real one? Milla doesn't need us back biting and fighting but she needs both of us in different ways. I'll leave you alone if you leave me alone and I promise to stop hitting on her but I swear I don't mean to most of the time." He looked at me then held out his hand. I took it and forced myself to stop from slicing his hand with my nails.

"Truce but if you do _anything_ else to upset her I have no problem fucking you up." I didn't take his threat seriously but I nodded. He gave me a hard look and the deal was struck. I nodded again and we turned and went our separate ways but I knew we'd meet again later.


	4. Chapter 4

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for the positive reviews. I'm planning on writing other chapters in the POV of other characters mentioned. I guess I should have clarified things. Sex is going to happen for Milla and Juice again it just won't be for a few months. Sex would put too much strain on her heart and would make her blood pressure go wonky but she will be able to have sex again. If she couldn't there would be no way that she'd let Juice go without she loves him too much to deny him that release. My sister had horrible blood pressure and microstrokes throughout her pregnancy so I'm taking some of her experiences and putting them in here. She couldn't have sex from her fourth month on and she survived. She also gave birth to a healthy, happy, beautiful little girl so it inspired me. Again thank you all.**  
**

**Chapter Four**

"What?" I couldn't believe what I'd heard.

"Ummm, your Mom's here in the hospital. She had a heart attack." I stared at Paco, wondering what the fuck he was on and if it was safe for pregnant women.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" I asked to myself and Paco was going to answer before he was shoved out of the way by Jax.

"Hey Millipede." I glared at him and he gave a look of pure venom to Paco, "She knows? You fucking told her."

"Don't yell at Paco, he cared enough about me to tell me the truth. What room is Ma in?" He took a breath and I saw him debating what to tell me.

"I'll get you a wheelchair and take you to her." He was lying, he was gonna go outside and ditch me. He went out the door and just like I predicted he didn't come back. Luckily a few minutes later my husband, who I was pissed at, came walking in.

"Hey baby." He gave me his smile and I simply glared.

"Get me a wheelchair and take me to my mother." I raised myself on the bed and moved my arm so it wasn't bent as badly.

"Baby, that's not a good idea." His smile faltered.

"Did I fucking stutter? Get me a motherfucking wheelchair and take me to my goddamned mother, I won't say it again. Come on or you won't be getting laid even after the baby comes." I put down the rail and put my feet over the edge. He sighed in defeat and whispered to Paco who made a dash out and in a few seconds brought in a wheelchair.

"Be careful baby." Juice said as he grabbed the machine my IV was hooked up to and pushed me down the hall. Luckily Mom was in the cardiac wing like me and we didn't have to go far. Outside of the door I assumed to be Ma's there were two federal agents.

"Stop right there." One of the agents frisked Juice while the other just gave me a glance. "Relationship to Mrs. Teller?"

"Daughter and Son-in-Law." They nodded and allowed Juice and I through. As soon as I saw my mom I sighed. "What did you do?"

Juice pushed me up to the bed and Ma got a look at me. A gasp left her lips as she saw my cast and by bandaged up left side. I also knew that I was pale as a ghost so that obviously didn't help her out any.

"Baby…why didn't anybody tell me she was this bad?" She looked at Dad who shrugged.

"Thanks Ma, you're not exactly a beauty queen either. What possessed you to come back? God, now I'm going to lose my Mom, my father, my brother and my husband. Why'd you come back?" I started crying and Juice hugged me carefully as I buried my face in his chest.

"Baby, I had to see Abel and you-" She didn't get to finish her thought because I looked up at her, suddenly enraged.

"Don't, don't you fucking lump me into this stupid, selfish decision. I'm fine, we were getting updates on each other. Jax had a fucking plan! You fucked it all up by coming back here. Yeah, it's fucked up that you didn't know about Abel but you know what? I agree with Dad and Jax's decision, it was better for you not to know. I love you, love you so much but right now." My heart started beating fast and Juice put his hands up.

"That's enough. Milla, you can see your Mom after you calm down and Gemma, I'm happy you're alive." After that my husband wheeled me out and back to my room.

"Thank you baby, I was getting stressed." He didn't say a word as he moved me to the bed and hooked me back up, "Baby?"

"I knew I shouldn't have taken you to visit. You're already stressed the fuck out and now you stressed yourself out even more and Gemma didn't need that either." He gave me a pleading look and I just stared at him evenly.

"I couldn't stop myself. I'm fine now I shouldn't have said that stuff with the agents in the hallway. Fuck! I was so fucking stupid." He sat on the bed next to me and held my hand in his.

"Not your smartest decision babe, but for what it's worth I agree with you to an extent." I rested my head on his shoulder and he tilted his head against mine.

"I love you." We stayed there like that for a while before Jax took him out. It looked like seeing my husband was going to be a rarity in the future.

* * *

"Hello beautiful." I looked from the television where I was watching _Iron Chef America_ and saw Piney standing in the doorway.

"Hey Uncle Piney, what's up?" I moved the bed up and noticed his face, "What's wrong?"

He went back out in the hall and there was a scuffle followed by a pained groan as he pushed Juice into the room. There was something wrong, he had some butterfly bandaids on his cheek along with a pretty intense bruise, he was walking gingerly and trying to get out of the room. What shocked me most and was the last to register was the fact that he didn't have his cut.

"What happened?" He tried to get out then but Piney blocked the doorway and Juice had too much respect to push past the old man.

"CL bastards took my cut baby." I took a few deep breaths to calm my heart. I'd been taught the importance of the cut since I was a kid. They might as well have cut off his dick.

"Baby, how badly are you hurt?" In the grand scheme of things the only thing that mattered was whether he was gonna be ok or not.

"I'm fine, they patched me up." He looked down and I put my hand out to him.

"Come here baby and tell me what happened, in detail." He did as I asked and joined me on the bed. He told me everything and I had to take deep calming breaths. Everything he described was stupidity in the grandest scale. It wasn't all on him though.

"You're gonna get your cut back baby, that's all there is to it. It's going to be bloody but it's what you have to do baby. Lay here with me for a while, who knows when we'll be able to do this again." I leaned in and kissed him, I thought he'd reject it but he kissed me back before he rested his head against mine again.

He'd lost his cut but he was still alive…Shit, there was no greater shame. I didn't love him any less but there was this nagging voice in my head that said he'd fucked up, even though he was vastly outnumbered and beaten to unconsciousness it still shouldn't have happened. Bobby and Tig had to answer for it too. As SaA one of Tig's responsibilities was protecting the colors and he fucked up. After all the progress we'd made I was back to hating Tig. Juice had to get his cut back and the retribution had to be brutal. Maybe he'd be earning his "Men of Mayhem" patch for this.

* * *

"Where's Juice?" Tara asked as she entered the room and looked at the spot Juice had recently been.

"Went home to take care of some stuff. What's up, you don't look so good?" That got a thin smile from her and she took the seat by my bed.

"Gemma just handed my ass to me about Abel. I knew it was going to happen." She had tears in her eyes and I gave her a soft look.

"Ma's fierce to the point of it being impractical. She'll understand in time that you being dead wouldn't have helped anyone, just like Jax will realize that he's being a dick." She looked at me in shock and I gave a one armed shrug. "I'm his little sister; I'm allowed to make bitchy observations. I know he's in pain, a pain I never want to understand but he shouldn't be pushing you away. You're the only mother Abel has ever known and you're the love of his life. He needs you and needs to get his head out of his ass."

"How'd a little runt like you get so wise?" I chuckled, yep I was always the runt when she was dating Jax and I was glad she didn't forget it.

"The life either makes you wise or a lunatic, Bobby and Tig are prime examples of the extremes. If you need to talk I'm here."She nodded.

"No matter what happens I consider you a sister." She got up and kissed my forehead before she went out the door leaving me blinking in her wake. Why did that feel so final?"

* * *

"Do this for me and I'll make sure you're patched into Charming." Paco and Chick looked at each other and I raised my eyebrows.

"Juice said not to let you out." Chick said and Paco nodded.

"Yeah, but I promise he won't know. I need to apologize to Mom for my reaction earlier. Please?" I gave them my puppy dog eyes and they caved.

"Fine, but we fought you the whole way." Paco said as Chick got the wheelchair. It was the same procedure as before and Chick got to wheel me in while Paco stayed in the hallway.

"Here to rip me a new one?" Ma asked as soon as we were alone.

"Here to apologize. I was out of line. I'm not saying that I didn't mean what I said I just could have done things differently." She smirked and put out her hand I took it and she held tight.

"Yeah you coulda done things differently. Don't ever tell me I don't worry about you though, I was a nervous wreck when I heard you were shot. Is Esperanza really ok or was your Dad lying to me again?" She asked and I gave her a light smile.

"Espy's fine, stronger than I am and getting stronger every day. I have to have her C-section though, I can't have babies naturally Ma. I guess I should be glad I won't be stretched out when I can finally have sex again." Mom snorted.

"Oh baby, those are just drops in a bucket. It will all work out, somehow it will. You've gotta have faith." I took a deep breath and nodded, not really feeling her method but I could pay lip service.

"I have faith in my man, in my club and in my family,_ that's_ what I have faith in." She gave me a smile.

"That's all you need babygirl. Now, tell me about what I missed while I was away. I have a feeling your Dad left out a lot." She sat back and I told her everything. I was still angry about what happened but I wasn't going to let it get in the way of loving my mother. I loved her more than almost anything and even though I was pissed I was glad to have her home.

"Mother and daughter reunited at last." I looked up to see Agent Stahl enter the room and Mom removed her hand from mine.

"Don't start this shit now you bitch. You've already said your piece." I sat back in the wheel chair and watched the predatory look in the uber bitches eyes.

"Just wanted to have one last chat, but since your daughter's here I guess it can wait. Don't wanna give her another heart attack. How's the arm sweetie? Gunshots can hurt like a bitch." She tried to look concerned and couldn't pull it off.

"Seeing your face hurts a lot worse. Mom, can you press the nurse call button? I need to get back to my room. Seeing this bitch's face made me nauseous." Mom smiled and hit the button.

"Now that's just not nice. I truly want you well Milla, wouldn't want your baby to end up in the system because Mommy can't take care of her." I was seeing red _no one _threatened my baby. Suddenly my heart started beating fast and I couldn't breathe. Mom had pressed the nurse call button and one of them rushed in, saw my distress and checked me over before she pushed me back to my room. I got a little bit of pleasure from the fact that Stahl looked shaken up, probably thinking about an official reprimand if I died. Once I was in bed I was sedated and grateful. I didn't know how many days like this I could survive.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"They're lovely Elliot, thank you." I smiled and he took the chair next to the bed.

"Hospital walls are so sterile I thought you could use some color." I nodded and looked at the arrangement of wildflowers.

"How's Tris doing?" I missed her a lot and he got a look of fatherly pride in his eyes.

"Good, she wants to see you but Karen has her this week." I looked up in shock; I knew he'd filled out the separation paperwork I didn't think it had been filed.

"When did that happen?" He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"She moved out three weeks ago but we've been pretending for the constituents. It looks like there's one more strike to my campaign."He looked up at me and his face showed genuine warmth, but there was also a worry there. There was something he didn't want to tell me.

"When does my replacement start?" He didn't even have to tell me, I knew I was fired but he shook his head.

"I have a temp working on the PA duties. Once you have your daughter and get well I want you back. You're amazing, even when you couldn't be there I was never late for an appointment and didn't have any mislabeled paperwork. You were also there for my daughter in ways that went far beyond your duties. I don't care who your father is or your husband, you have proven invaluable to me." I felt tears in my eyes and he handed me the box of tissues. It seemed like all I ever did was cry anymore and it was annoying.

"Thank you Elliot. Working for you has been my most fulfilling job; I'm going to miss it." I sighed, even if I'd be back I'd still miss it.

"Do you need anything to tide you over until you can work again? I can arrange for a loan." He was so sweet but I shook my head.

"You're already doing so much for my family Elliot. I couldn't ask you to do this. I'll find a way for Espy and me to make it. I'm a Morrow and a Madoc, Espy and I can't be anything but survivors."He chuckled and shook his head.

"Just be sure to let me know if you need anything. You're more than my assistant Milla you're my friend and I want to know that you're doing well." He took my hand and squeezed. I was going to have to thank whatever nurse decided to put my IV in my forearm; too many people were holding my hand lately. There was a knock at the doorjamb and I felt a smile stretch across my face when I saw who it was.

"Koz! I wondered when I'd get to see you." He smiled wide and nodded to Elliot as he came to the bed.

"Things have been busy with the club girly. But you know I couldn't hold off seeing you for long." He leaned down and kissed my forehead while Elliot stood up.

"I've got a busy day ahead of me Milla but it was wonderful to see you up and in good spirits. As soon as Tris is back I'll bring her to visit you. Keep getting stronger Milla." He kissed my cheek before he walked to the door and Koz moved around the bed to take the vacated seat.

"I hear you and Hap are transferring with Paco and Chick. Looks like we'll have a full load of bodies at the table." His smile faded a little.

"If Tig isn't an asshole." Ah yes, Tig. Fuck, I wanted Koz here in Charming, I wanted to propose having him move into the house so that I wouldn't be alone and unprotected when Juice and the guys went in.

"Tig's always an asshole. I know this has been going on forever and I won't ask why, but maybe, just maybe you could get him to see reason. I want you here; I know you'll be able to keep us safe." The "us" I was referring to wasn't just me and Espy; it was me, Espy, Tara, all the others. With one SaA behind bars we needed another brutal badass around.

"Talk to Tiggy about that. I wanna be here too Kid, you know I love ya and I'm excited for the little one. I just hope she looks like you, has your man's sense of humor, but looks like you." I giggled; I knew he liked Juice a lot. He was one of the few who actually showed him respect.

"I love you too Koz and I like the fact that you're planning on sticking around. Nothing's ever boring in the mother charter is it?" He chuckled and shook his head.

We talked for a while before he got a text calling him to church. I hoped against hope that Tig wouldn't be a jackass but there was too much history at play to say differently. I really didn't know what had transpired between them but whatever it was Tig had lost all faith in Koz and it took a lot for Tig to turn against a brother.

* * *

A few hours later I was sitting up in my bed attempting to eat my jello, I was finally allowed solid food again but the gelatinous food product was fighting me at every turn. It sucked because I really wanted that jello. I threw my spoon across the room in frustration and started crying, that jello I really wanted it.

"Hey, hey, hey what's this?" I wiped off my eyes and saw my Dad reaching down and picking up my spoon from the floor. He walked to the bed and sat down. He looked at the jello and took in my tears as he smiled. "Need help darlin'?"

I nodded and he took the spoon I was supposed to use for my soup and started feeding me the jello. It tasted even better than I thought it would. He gave me a soft look before he started talking again.

"This reminds me of when you got your tonsils out when you were seven. You were so afraid to eat that you didn't for two days and the only way you'd even drink would be if I helped you." I smiled and obediently opened my mouth for the next spoonful. "I wanted to let you know that your bodyguards are now members of the mother charter and Hap got the vote too. Your man's Prospect also got the nod"

"Let me guess, Tig left Koz hanging? Daddy this isn't good for the club. I know you know that but still. Set Mom on him you know he adores her." Dad smiled and gave me the last spoonful of the jello.

"If I can't reason with him I may just do that. You're getting as calculating as your mother, not as Machiavellian. I love you angel." Dad put the jello cup on the tray and picked up the soup. He raised his eyebrows and I nodded, he chuckled and started feeding me the soup.

"I love you too Daddy. I haven't seen Juice since last night. What's happening?" He knew what I meant and fed me a couple more spoons of the soup before he answered.

"We're working on getting his cut back. We're too strapped for bodies around the table to punish him and you know how much he's punishing himself. Don't worry though he'll earn that cut back." I nodded and he finished feeding me the soup. I was going to milk his attentiveness for all it was worth.

"Dad, I had Chantal do some work for me and I wanted you to know that I'm going on Tribal Assistance as soon as I get out of here. My Tribal Insurance is already covering a significant portion of this bill. I know you don't like using our Paiute blood to get special consideration but in this case I need it." I was expecting him to fume and roar. Instead he gave me a thoughtful look and nodded.

"In this case that was the smart thing to do. With Juice going in and you laid up you could use all the help you can get. You're proud of that blood; why not get the help you need?" He shrugged and I nodded.

"That's exactly what I was thinking. How do you think Phil's gonna work out as a Prospect?" Dad shrugged and looked on my tray to see if there was anything else he could feed me on the tray. There wasn't I'd taken care of the muffin before he got there.

"Prospects are Prospects, either they're bitches who punk out the second things get hard or they stick it out. None of them have half the balls Half-Sack did far as I can tell." I felt my eyes mist up again, I missed Kip, he was such a wonderful guy. He would've made a great Son.

"In all honesty I think Phil and Miles are gonna work out. Shepard's giving me a bitch vibe." This time he full out laughed and I had to smile.

"You always had that sixth sense thing goin on. Listen I gotta go see your Ma do some club shit, but I'll be back as soon as I can. You're my angel and you being hurt like this kills me. Love you baby." He kissed my forehead and I reached up to caress his face.

"I love you Dad." He gave me a smile and went out the door.

* * *

"With intense physical therapy and some surgical corrections down the road you could possibly get upwards of eighty percent mobility in your shoulder. Unfortunately there was some nerve damage done to the wound in your upper arm that was missed upon first examination. If the problem was merely in relation to the shattered collarbone I would posit a one hundred percent recovery rate but this nerve damage is a major concern." Dr. Mellencamp said as he read my chart.

"When can I begin the therapy?" I wanted to be able to care for my baby and eighty percent was eighty percent.

"As soon as your surgical wounds heal, three to six weeks depending on recovery time." He made a note and closed the chart.

"Thank you Dr. Mellencamp." He nodded and went out.

I lay back in bed and sighed. This was bullshit, it seemed like everything that could go wrong was going wrong. I turned on my television and sighed again. _Highlander _was on Spike, the last thing I needed was a reminder of my husband who'd gone AWOL since he got his cut stolen from him. Nothing I did could convince him that I only cared about him and his well being. I settled back to watch the movie. No matter how upset I was, this was one of my favorite movies and it did its job correctly, calming me down and lulling me into an 80's fantasy coma. About halfway through the movie someone entered my room carrying balloons and flowers. One glance down showed me who it was and rather than be annoyed with my wayward husband I was happy to see him. He put the balloons and flowers on the nightstand by the bed and gave me his usual grin. I was so happy to see him that it took me a while to notice that he had his cut back.

"Oh baby." I stretched my good arm out to him and he moved around the bed and crawled in with me.

"What we watching?" Just like that all the tension, anger and fear I'd been feeling leaked out of me and I settled in for an evening of movies with my husband.

"_Highlander_ marathon." I said as I maneuvered myself into his arms and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Good, I love those movies." He kissed the top of my head and I sighed, this time content.


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Six**

Phil POV

"Shut the door!" They all shouted at us as we left the chapel and I jumped at their directive as quickly as I could. Miles wasn't quick enough and Shepard was stung by the VP's response to his stupidity.

"What we do now?" Shepard asked as soon as the door was shut.

"I'm going to the bar, lots to do." Miles said and I nodded; getting shit done seemed like a good idea.

"I'll get a broom, there's plenty of sweeping to do. Maybe you should get a rag and clean some tables." I made the suggestion, hoping the little prick would actually do something.

"Why should we clean up? Isn't that what women are for?" I snorted, he didn't have the inside instruction I did. Juice's wife was an invaluable source of tips and tricks to being a good Prospect.

"We're the bitches now and if you can't handle a little manual labor get the fuck out." I went to the cleaning supply closet and got out a broom and dustpan. I made it out to the bar and saw that the meeting was done. I had a front row seat to the fight starting between Tig, the resident psycho and the pretty boy from Tacoma. Not knowing what to do I went to the VP.

"Should we do anything?" I asked going to break up the fight but Jax stopped me, Milla had warned me that fights and violence were the norm I just didn't know how common they'd be. Didn't matter though, I was a bouncer at a club in Lodi, I had the training.

"Yeah, get some brooms. There's gonna be a lot of shit to clean up." I went to where I'd stashed my broom and watched the fight commence. Both men were skilled fighters and I knew I didn't wanna piss either off.

* * *

"Prospect, go to my house and get some clothes for me. I'm not going home tonight." I looked up from the table I was scrubbing down and at my sponsor who looked more confident than he had when he'd left that morning. Amazing what a patched leather vest could do for your self-esteem.

"Anything in particular?" I knew no matter what I did would be wrong at least I'd try to get it right.

"Some jeans a t-shirt, just some clothes and stop by the flower place. Place an order for some flowers and balloons; have them delivered to the hospital so I can pick them up there. Just make sure they look and smell nice. Go." He said the last sharply and I tossed the rag to Miles at the bar before I went out the door and hopped on my bike. I knew where Juice and Milla lived so that took a lot off my mind but the panic struck when I pulled into their driveway. He didn't give me the codes or the keys and I knew he knew better than to leave their door unlocked.

I walked around the parameter of the house trying to find a point of entry when saw a metallic glint from a hole in the mortar next to the back porch steps. He couldn't be that stupid, could he? I discovered that, yes he could be, as I took the key from the mortar. One step down, when I opened the door the alarm started and I decided to try the easy things. I put in the numeric code for "Milla", nothing, her birthday, nothing. Finally I put in their anniversary and there it was. I was really questioning his intelligence, well common sense. I'd never met a more intelligent person, which was part of the reason I'd asked him if he'd be willing to be my sponsor. I also thought he'd treat me better than Tig or even Bobby because he was probably the least respected member. I'd probably put him at about half a step above us. Since I started hanging around he did prove to be more sympathetic and willing to overlook mistakes. He also liked to talk a hell of a lot and his favorite topic was his wife, next was his Call of Duty strategy. Thanks to his big mouth I got into their house and handled his errand. Once I'd completed that task I went to the florist and got some tiger lilies for Milla, I remembered her buying a bouquet of them when I took her grocery shopping once. I also got her some red balloons. One thing I'd learned about Millicent Ortiz, you could never go wrong with red.

I went back to the clubhouse pleased with myself, but not enough to be a smug bitch, and brought the bag of clothes to my sponsor who was seated at the bar with his laptop. He grabbed the bag from my hands, looked through it and gave me a nod of approval. Good, I'd made the right choice of sponsor, unlike Shepard who was getting his ass handed to him by Tig.

"Listen and shut the fuck up Prospect. I told you to get me a brew, that means you go get me a brew. It doesn't mean that you go into a story about your trip to a brewery. Worthless bastard." Miles made a dash over to them and handed Tig a beer while Shepard looked enraged.

Tig took a pull of his brew and went to stand next to Clay while Juice motioned for me to sit down. I did and looked expectantly at my sponsor. So far things seemed to be working out.

"I'm going to the hospital soon, to visit my lady, but I'm running a few programs here. There isn't anyone else who understands half the shit I do so it's your job to watch this and make sure nothing gets corrupted. Something goes off and I expect you to fill in the gaps in the code. Can you do that?" Coding was second nature and this job was better than cleaning the bathrooms.

"Yes sir." He smiled at that and took a drink of his beer.

"Good." He showed me the programs that were running and they were all aimed at the same goal, intercepting messages from secure government mainframes. Shit, I thought I was a good hacker but Juice did things I didn't think were possible. Learning from him would be better than four years at MIT and a hell of a lot cheaper.

I'd gotten up to have a talk with Miles when a SWAT team came through the door. I put my hands up and got on my knees before they even told me to do it. I couldn't help staring at everything as the Sons were all forced to the ground. I went down smoothly knowing there was nothing else that could be done. Once I was comfortably on the floor I looked up at Juice's computer and smiled. He had a suicide button programmed. The second there was trouble he hid his programs behind his desktop so they could still run and no one would be the wiser. The SWAT bastards went through knocking things over and digging around. It was aggravating. I groaned when they turned over the garbage can and the SWAT who had his gun on us snorted. I didn't respond. Provocation was stupid and I wanted to prove that I wasn't stupid.

* * *

Later that night we were cleaning up, making everything right again. Shepard was flirting with the croweaters and overall being useless while Miles was tending bar and I was splitting my time between cleaning and running Juice's programs. I'd been concerned about the safety of the laptop during the raid but everything was good. As I sat replacing some corrupted code Shepard sat by me and pointed at the door.

"Look at those bitches man!" He was grinning like a fool and I shook my head.

"Just a couple of the porn girls." I never liked Shepard, didn't know what made him think he could do this shit. He'd nearly shit his pants during the raid.

"Whatever man, I'm gonna go see if the Asian one will blow me." I rolled my eyes as I saw him go up to the chick I recognized from my trips to the hospital. She was one of Milla's friends and starting to become a friend to the club, even so it was a good thing that Juice wasn't here, he hated that woman. I chuckled as I saw Shepard push up on her while she gave him a look of pure loathing and held out her forefinger and thumb in a gesture that implied that he wasn't a very big man. This pissed him off and he got in her face before Tig bellowed from the pool table that he was thirsty and Shepard walked off to get a beer. I went back to the code and was surprised when the pornstar came and sat across from me.

"Hi, I hope you don't mind me sitting here." I shook my head; I had no problem with a beautiful woman with great legs and a nice rack sitting with me. "I'm Chantal by the way."

"Filthy Phil." I gave her the nickname I'd been christened with and shook her hand.

"Filthy Phil huh? How'd you get that nickname?" I was good at multitasking so I didn't get annoyed with her question and went about my business.

"I'm guessing it's phonetic, I actually have better hygiene than half these guys." She laughed and it was genuine, not what I was used to hearing from the croweaters.

"I've seen you at the hospital haven't I? You hang outside Milla's room, deliver messages to the guys. You weren't wearing that cut the last time I saw you." She had sharp, intelligent eyes, the kind that were always on alert. Why did Juice hate her so much?

"I'm officially a Prospect now, I answered your questions now answer mine. Why does Juice hate you? I was warned to be on alert when you came around and to watch you closely around Milla. Why go to all that trouble?" This question caught her off guard and her face turned from a smile to a look of consideration.

"He hates me because we both love the same woman and he knows that if he fucks up bad enough I could potentially take her from him. He views me as the enemy and I can't blame him because I am the enemy. The hate is mutual but there's a truce right now. Until Milla's better I've vowed to stop my moron-baiting. She doesn't deserve the added stress." Once she explained it the puzzle pieces fit. This chick was after his woman and worse than that she already had an in with that woman, no wonder he hated her.

"Fair enough." I finished the coding and let the computer catch up to the script and she gave me a smile again. We sat in silence for a while, me doing my work, Chantal looking at her nails before I heard a curse come from her.

"Oh fuck." I looked up and saw the VP go into the back with one of the blonde stars. From everything I'd seen he was dedicated to his Old Lady but I kept my questions to myself. I had to agree with her sentiment, this wasn't good and the drama level was about to increase.

"Wanna go for a ride?" I suddenly had an urge to get out of there and the programs were on their last run through. I didn't need to monitor them anymore. Chantal looked at me and nodded.

"Sounds good, I don't wanna be on ground zero and I don't wanna be around Tina when she's in pro-Ima mode." I set the computer up at the vacant desk and went outside with Chantal. After I handed her a helmet she got on the bike behind me and we rode around town for a while before she had me go to her place. I'd like to say that I banged a pornstar but that's just wishful thinking. In reality we had some drinks, watched some tv and simply hung out. I could tell that she needed some downtime from the drama and I just wanted to get away for a little bit, especially since things were bound to get more intense. As it was I was going to get my ass handed to me when I got back to the clubhouse but it was worth it. How many guys got the chance to hang out with a pornstar and not pay for it?


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Seven**

"Make it happen Paco." The newest member of SAMCRO nodded and went out leaving me alone. I sat back and started doing the hand exercises my doctor wanted me to do. Even though I couldn't use my arm there was no reason why I couldn't keep the strength in my hand up and my Dr. Mellencamp agreed and came up with these exercises for me. I'd just finished ten fist squeezes and was about to do my wrist rotate when the sound of women yelling came from the hallway. I couldn't hear what they said but there was a lot of rage in their voices. I recognized one as Chantal so I knew this fight was coming to my room and I had to sigh. Suddenly there was the sound of a body hitting a wall and a familiar and wholly unwelcome head entered my room.

"Hey Milla." I took a deep breath and rotated my wrist as Ima stood at the foot of my bed and Chantal followed rubbing her arm and scowling.

"Chick! Ray!" I called to my bodyguards and got no response so I turned my attention to Chantal.

"Chanty, I get why you're here but why's Imawhore?" I began the opposite rotation while Chantal chuckled at the nickname I'd recently christened Ima with and climbed into the bed next to me and offered resistance to my wrist rotation. Juice would be gone so I needed as many people as possible to know my physical therapy routine.

"Oh be nice. I thought I'd come visit my future sister in law." She sounded peppy and excited as she sat in the chair by the bed and I raised my eyebrow.

"What did you do and how is my brother involved?" Chantal stopped offering the resistance and just sat watching my reactions to Ima.

"I helped him forget the frigid doctor bitch last night." I felt my chest get tight and Chantal put an arm around my shoulder.

"You fucked my brother? Jesus-fucking Christ." I felt a sharp pain in my head and took a deep breath.

"Yep and I just wanted to let you know that it'll only be a matter of time before I'm his Old Lady, the VP's Old Lady, that means I can order you around." She looked so smug I snorted.

"Before you get too far ahead of yourself sweetheart, what makes you think my brother wanted you for something other than a quick fuck. If he fucked you he had a reason and I doubt it was for the reason you think." I knew it couldn't be, he and Tara had been having problems and I knew cheating was a deal breaker for her, she still didn't understand how Ma or I could forgive our men for any infidelity. As I looked at Ima's face all I wanted to do was bash it in, but I decided destroying her emotionally was the way to go.

"He wants me, I know he does." She didn't look so sure.

"Honey, Jax has only loved three women in his life. My mom, me and Tara and his love for her is one of those cosmic things, they're magnets and no matter what happens they'll always find each other. What did he say this morning, once he had a chance to experience buyer's remorse?" I wanted to know just what made her think she actually mattered.

"The doctor walked in and he told me to get out. He has a lot on his mind and he-" I put up my good hand.

"Tara saw? What the fuck? Chanty can you see if she's on rotation today? I wanna see how she's doing and you, stay there I have one last thing to say to you." Chantal got out of the bed and went to the nurse's station while I collected my thoughts and turned to Ima. "I'm only going to say this once, you aren't worth the breath it would take to reiterate. You are nothing, not to Jax, not to anyone. My brother fucked you because you're an easy lay, he wanted to use someone who didn't matter to push away the one person who does. If you were to get into a car accident and die while leaving this very hospital no one would mourn you, especially not the man you think wants you. Now I want you to leave and don't come near me or the Sons again or you'll find yourself in a shallow grave somewhere in the foothills. Don't doubt me, I can make it happen."

"Your brother wants me, you have to be nice to me." She was a sociopath, she had to be for this reaction or at least in serious denial.

"My brother doesn't know what the fuck he wants but I can guarantee it's not you. Go near him again and I will destroy you. You can get a lot of shit done from a hospital bed." I sat back and started doing my exercises again, effectively ignoring the bitch who was gaping like a fish. "Go now and never darken my doorstep again. I don't know what you wanted to prove this morning but coming here and harassing me was a big fucking waste of time. Go. Shoo."

I made the gesture and she stood up. She walked out with her head held high and I took a deep breath. There, she was gone and hopefully for good. I was bluffing earlier, there was no way I could organize a hit on her. If I could've she would have been dead when Caruso's goon attacked me. It was a good thing that she was a pathetically stupid little slut. After I calmed myself down I continued the exercises and attempted to put myself in a zen state, my heart had been a little off since Ima had entered my room so I needed to fix that.

"She's on rotation babe, she has to do a quick check on a patient but she'll be right up." I nodded and Chantal sat in the vacant seat. It was Saturday so I didn't have to worry about her missing work for me and it made me feel less guilty about having her around.

"What did you tell her?" I assumed she'd seen Tara to get that tidbit of information.

"I just told her you wanted to see her. She looks rough though, I feel bad about what happened. Though I will say there was a plus, she didn't treat me like walking garbage." She crossed her legs and folded her hands over her knee.

"Thank you, you're a godsend." With a sigh I rolled my neck and worked out the tension.

* * *

I was sitting alone in my room; Chantal went to get us some breakfast that wasn't hospital food. I appreciated everything she'd been doing for me and was wracking my brain for ways to pay her back. I owed her big. I had begun wondering where Tara was when there was a knock on my door. Good I needed to talk to her, let her know that no matter how big of a whore my brother was I loved her.

"About ti-" I cut myself off when I saw my brother enter. Speak of the fucking devil. "Speak your piece then get out."

"You heard about that? Bad news travels fast." He sat on the edge of my bed and I tried to nudge him off.

"When your conquest comes to my room to brag about it it's hard to ignore." He took a deep breath and growled.

"That bitch, she won't be bothering you again. I didn't want you involved in this. You have enough shit going on." He reached out to take my hand and I moved it to press it against my chest.

"If you didn't want me involved why'd you go whorin' it up? Jax, you realize it's not just you and Tara involved in this right? It's me, Ma, Abel, the club we're all involved in this shit too. I love Tara, hell I adore her and even as you push her away I'll be pulling her in. You think Espy and I can survive without her? You think Mom will let her go? Hell no she's in too deep. She's an Old Lady even if you say goodbye she's a part of all of this." He ran a hand through his hair.

"You don't get it, I did what I had to do, now she's safe." I snorted, he didn't get it.

"No now she's a fucking target. She's like a lone gazelle on the Serengeti, the lions will be circling and she'll be fucked. I thought you were growing up Jax, thinking about people other than yourself, hell I thought you were thinking. This decision was impulsive and will bite you in the ass, mark my words." He took a deep breath and I sighed. "I know your decision wasn't just to protect Tara, you wanted her gone. You blame her for Abel, we all know it."

"No I don't." He shook his head and this time I grabbed his arm and brought his attention to me.

"What purpose would it serve if she were dead Jax? Then you'd have lost your son, your lover and a friend. Tara did everything she could short of dying and if that doesn't prove that she's your Old Lady and Abel's mother I don't know what could. Do you blame me too Jax? I was watching movies with Ellie, I wasn't there to stop it. Do you blame Ma? She was setting things right. Do you blame Kip? He fucking died and it still happened. You see blaming anyone other than Hayes is a stupid waste of resources. Jax, think about it, you need her." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again before he looked at me.

"I love you Milla but you don't understand. I came here to tell you that we're leaving for Belfast this afternoon. Oswald got us a plane and we're going, Juice will be by in a little bit to say goodbye. Be safe and get better." He kissed my forehead and was gone. The selfish bastard didn't listen to a damn word I said.

I was still fuming a few minutes later when my cardiologist, Dr. Bremmer came in. The kind, jovial man was not in my good graces at the moment and he knew it. Even so he came in and gave me one of his flashing smiles.

"How's my favorite patient this morning?" He stood by the bed with my charts at the ready, he looked and frowned. "Apparently the morning wasn't a good one. Get some upsetting news?"

"You could say that. What's up doc?" He chuckled and ran a pen down the chart.

"I just wanted to give you some good news. I spoke with Drs. Nior, Mellencamp and Knowles this morning and we are all in the agreement that you are well enough to go home. Of course you will need a nurse to assist in basic care but we are confident that you will recover. According to your husband a nurse has already been hired to assist in your care and she will be meeting with Dr. Nior and myself this afternoon, Dr. Mellencamp had to return to Sacramento but he has assigned a proxy to provide care information to your nurse." I couldn't keep the grin off my face as Dr. Bremmer finished his announcement.

"Thank you doctor." He smiled and made a note in the chart.

"You're very welcome, now I have to go talk to your mother about her treatment. I'll be back to see you before you're discharged and I expect to see you next week for a follow up. Feel better and don't get anymore upsetting news." He gave me a smile and went out the door, I was still on the high from the news when I heard his voice, "Hello Dr. Knowles, the patient is up and active. Be sure she gets good news."

Tara came through the door and gave me a weak smile. I was glad I didn't look much like Jax because that would have been torture for her. I motioned for her to come over and take the seat next to me and she did. Her smile stayed as she placed her hands in her lap.

"How are you sweetheart?" I asked as I gave her what I hoped was a soft look, the last thing I wanted her to see was pity.

"I don't know. I'm done with Jax, I can't be with someone who resents me and fucks a random slut to push me away. It's not even the cheating that hurts, but right now it's the only thing I can focus on. Anger's easier to deal with than pain." I nodded at her wisdom, "When Juice cheated on you how'd you deal? "

"Well I don't really consider it cheating anymore. It was a moment of pure insanity. It hurt like hell at first to know he'd go to someone else, hurt even more to see it. I talked to a lot of people; you included, and did a lot of soul searching and discovered that I could move on from it, it was just an assisted hand job. It was no different than a doctor helping a patient with performance anxiety. He loves me and hasn't even looked at another woman since then. I trust him and know he won't do it again." I sighed thinking about my husband who I hadn't seen since he'd left that morning and who there was a chance I might never see again. Belfast was sure to be dangerous and it tore my gut to think he might not come home to me, but I was a club kid I had to accept it.

"I don't have that consolation; he also told me this wasn't my family, that Abel wasn't my family, that's what I can't forgive." She was angry, good, anger was the best thing to feel right now.

"He's trying to be noble and he's going about it the wrong way. He thinks pushing you away will keep you safe but he doesn't know. We're the women of SAMCRO, it's never safe for us whether we're with our men or not." She gave me a considering look and I continued. "On the other hand he's a douchebag and an idiot and you should have ignored him. You _are _family; you're my sister, Mom's adopted daughter and Abel's mother. You have a stake in all this and you need to make that known. I will be behind you no matter what and eventually Jax will pull his head out of his ass and I hope you make him suffer. I know he's in hell right now but that just means he should be pulling you closer, finding comfort in your love not pushing you away. Just hang in there. Be an Old Lady and I promise you will always have a place in this family."

She got out of the chair and kissed my forehead. There were tears in her eyes and she caressed my face.

"You really are my sister and no matter what I'll be here for you. I love you." She started to walk away and I stopped her.

"I love you Tara, remember no matter what we're family." She nodded, tears in her eyes and left. I sat back and felt tears spill from my eyes. Damn it Jax, why'd you have to push her away?

* * *

"Want me to spend the night tonight, help you out?" Chantal asked as she finished her salad.

"Neeta is staying to help me out but if you want to as well I wouldn't mind the company." Chantal smiled but I couldn't bring myself to. Ever since I spoke with Tara my heart hurt and I felt sick.

"Good, mind if I invite Filthy Phil over? The guy's fun and makes me feel protected." What was that in her voice? Was that affection? Good, she was making friends other than me and Lyla. She needed that, to prove she was a friend to the club.

"He's my man's prospect so I'm sure I have some pull." Speaking of my man there was a knock on the door jamb and he walked in.

"Hey baby." He grinned then he nodded to Chantal, "Chantal."

"Milla's husband." She nodded before she stood up and kissed the top of my head. "I'll let you to have some alone time. I'll be back in time for your discharge."

She walked out the door and Juice came to the bed and crawled in with me while I stared in shock.

"Was she? Did you? Were you guys just _civil _to each other?" I asked and Juice chuckled.

"Yeah, we called a truce. No sniping while you're still healing. God I'm gonna miss you." He brought his mouth to mine and I sunk into the kiss. I loved this man with everything that I was and he was leaving me. Suddenly I felt tears in my eyes and he pulled away. "Don't cry baby, I'll be back."

I cried harder and he maneuvered me into a hug. I would have done anything to melt in his arms but that was impossible right now. I took several deep breaths and finally managed to calm myself down enough to talk.

"You'll be back for what, a day, an hour? Then you'll be going to prison and I'll only be able to see you for an hour once a fucking month. Don't tell me not to cry because I have every fucking right to cry. Not only are you leaving me, you might not come back." I started sobbing again and moved as far away from him as I could, making sure to look away from him.

"Baby, look at me." He took my face in his hands and made me look at him. "If I have to move heaven and hell to get back to you I will. Yeah I'm going in when we get back but I will do everything I can to keep you safe. Koz already promised to stay with you in the house, you'll be protected and I filled out spousal support paperwork, you and Espy will want for nothing while I'm in there. I know it's not as good as having me but you're so strong baby, you'll make do."

I cried and kissed him deepening it as much as I was able and brought my hand to his belt buckle, I just got it undone and was getting the zipper when he pulled away.

"Baby, sex is against the rules." I smiled and shook my head before I brought my hand to his fly again and unzipped it.

"No one said anything about giving my man a hand job." I kissed him again before I licked my hand and placed it in his boxers and started to stroke him. He was done in a few minutes and spent the time kissing me; I accepted his kiss burning the taste and feel of him into my mind.

"Goddamn baby, I almost forgot how good you are with your hands." It made me smile and he held me again, there was really nothing more to be done or said.

"Juice, we gotta go man." I looked up at Happy and had to resist the urge to glare, "Be safe Milla."

I nodded at him and Juice kissed me again, deeper and longer than he had before and I held in my tears. I didn't want him to go but Jax needed him so I had to let him go and it was killing me.

"I love you and remember I'll go through hell and tear down heaven if it means coming back to you. Be safe and I'll call you as soon as I can, keep the prepay with you. I love you so fucking much." He kissed me and tried to move away and I grabbed him. "Baby I love you but I gotta go."

"Come back to me, I love you, I need you." I pleaded with him and felt one tear escape. He simply kissed me and moved his hand from mine. As soon as he was out the door the dam burst and I sobbed.

I cried for what felt like hours and was in solitude. I didn't know what was going on but I was hurting. I had used up an entire box of Kleenex and pressed the call button to have them get me more. I just wanted to get out of here and sleep in my room with one of Juice's shirts. I still couldn't believe he was leaving me.

"Mrs. Ortiz?" I looked up from the pile of tissues that had collected on my lap and saw a woman that just screamed "agent". Oh great, what else could go wrong?

"What?" I didn't even pretend to be civil and the agent got out of the way and Stahl walked in. I shouldn't have asked, everything was going wrong.

"Hello Mrs. Ortiz, from what I hear you're doing well and it looks like CPS won't need to be called. Now that that unpleasantness is out of the way I need to ask you a few questions regarding your mother." I settled back in the bed, suddenly I felt light headed. "We need to know where your mother could have gone."

"Gone?" I asked in a small voice, it was getting hot in there and I couldn't seem to get quite enough air.

"Yes, Gemma was in the care of Dr. Tara Knowles and knocked the good doctor out before she stole her key cards and vanished. There was a report that she was seen escaping in the Teller-Morrow tow truck, unfortunately when the chase finally ended only Alexander "Tig" Trager was in the cab. Where do you think your mother escaped to?" I couldn't hear if she said anymore my chest was tight and I suddenly couldn't breathe. As the world turned dark I could finally hear over the blood rushing in my ears.

"Someone get a doctor in here!" Then there was nothing but silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Eight**

"Wake up pretty girl." The voice sounded familiar but not enough to get me to open my eyes, I was ill and in pain. Nope, not worth opening my eyes.

"Should I, you know, do something?" Yet another voice that sounded familiar but not enough to open my eyes.

"Get your ass to the cafeteria and get me some coffee. Damn, Prospects… Wake up darlin', got a message from your Dad." That did it, I opened my eyes and looked at Piney, I felt a weak smile on my lips. He was the one waking me up.

"Piney." He smiled and ran a hand over my head.

"They made it darlin', they're safe in the Emerald Isle. He wanted me to tell you that." I started to wake up more and Piney reached behind my head and moved my pillow to a more comfortable position. "Heard you had some trouble yesterday."

"Another heart attack." I was starting to wake up more and I was completely miserable.

"That's what I heard. Want me to let your Old Man know?" I shook my head if Juice didn't know I didn't want him to. He had enough stuff to think about and a job to do.

"Piney?" I asked before I coughed to clear the constriction in my throat.

"What is it sweetheart?" He moved in closer to compensate for how quiet my voice was.

"Is my baby ok?" I still had the bump but she wasn't kicking and usually the morning was when she'd be fluttering.

"Tara checked on you herself; she told me the baby was fine. It's good Milla." I let out a breath, relieved.

"Ma, she's gone?" I wanted to be sure there was a reason for my heart attack.

"Yeah, Tig was the hero of the hour. He led the police on a wild goose chase, allowed your Ma, Clay and Jax to escape." He sounded bitter so I moved my free hand to rest on his.

"You're my hero Uncle Piney." I didn't think I could talk that much I felt weak but I wanted him to know I'd appreciated what he'd done for me. He was with Juice when I was shot, one of the last things I remembered was Piney putting pressure on my arm while Juice held his hands over my collar bone. Piney was a hero.

"I never would have let anything happen to you darlin'. Do you wanna see Tig though? I could have Koz bring 'im." I nodded and Piney leaned down to kiss my head. "I have to get back to the garage but Chick is here, we've decided that one person on you at a time is safe enough."

"Love you Uncle Piney." He smiled and went out the door. I was tired and decided to get more rest. I drifted off, happy that my baby was ok.

* * *

"Nine Mill, hey. Wake up girly." I opened my eyes and smiled at the familiar blonde spiky head. He smiled back before he stood and watched me.

"Koz." I said then I looked to the other side of the bed and saw Tig. "Tig."

"Hey kid, good to see you're awake. Doc says we only have fifteen minutes. Don't wanna stress your heart out too much. Good to see you though kiddo." He smiled softly and I realized that I was one of only two women in the world that had earned that soft smile.

"I was so mad at you, now I don't know what." I said as I used the remote on the side of the bed to rise. I gave him a glare that immediately replaced itself with a smile.

"About the issue with Juicy's cut?" He asked, of course he knew I was pissed. I made no secret and Paco had a nasty habit of reporting everything I did or said to my Dad.

"It's done, everything worked out. How are you?" I knew he'd give me some macho, bullshit answer but I could usually sift through the bullshit.

"Good, Piney said you wanted to see me so I'm here. Just wanted to see if I was still in one piece doll?" His smile turned into a half-hearted version of its usual sneer and I shook my head.

"I just wanted to be sure you were ok. Find out why you weren't in Belfast." The look he gave me was a warning.

"Too many ears here kid. I just did what I could for your Ma. Same as I'd do for you." I nodded, total Tig response.

"Fair enough, what's on the agenda for the day?" I was eager to hear everything, I knew I was being kept from the most severe stuff but I hated being out of the loop.

"Just doin' club business kiddo." Koz leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Our fifteen minutes is almost up, want me to come back later?"

I nodded, I was always up for a visit from Koz, he had to be one of my favorite people on the planet. He smiled and kissed my forehead again before he and Tig left the room. Once they were out the door I took my prepaid from my drawer and saw a message. Since all the guys used prepays I knew it was one of them.

"Hey baby, just wanted to let you know we're here and safe. I love you and miss you and I want you to let Espy know I love her too. This will be the last call indefinitely but I just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens I'm coming home to you. Delete this message when it's done. Be safe and get healthy baby." As I heard his voice I started crying and the tears got worse as his words hit me. He and the others were gone and lord knew when they were going to be back.

* * *

"The best of both worlds, chill it out take it slow then you rock out the show." I hummed the rest as I watched Hannah Montana. After my message from Juice I had needed to cheer myself up and that meant a call to my baby girl. Ellie and I were on the phone for a good hour and she told me that I just _had_ to watch the newest episode so I followed her directions and was waiting for it to start. I missed those kids and it sucked that they weren't allowed to see me, but as long as I had my cell I could still talk to my Ellie doll and talk she did. She was starting to come around to Lyla and I couldn't have been happier about it. As if tapped into my thoughts Lyla breezed into the room, well she would have breezed in if she didn't look like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

"Hey." She greeted as she leaned down to give me a brief hug before she sat on the edge of the bed. I liked that she knew she was allowed there. Siblings, blood or otherwise, were allowed on my bed with me. "Yeah, Ellie was telling you you had to watch this. Don't understand why myself."

"It's a pretty good show though it makes living a double life seem easy and we all know that's not true. Anyway, what brings you darling?" I asked and she smiled before she gingerly took my hand. They had me on new heart meds so I had to have another IV and this one was in my good hand.

"I need your advice about something babe." She sounded worried and it matched the phantom weight I'd seen on her shoulders.

"What?" I asked as I wiggled my fingers in a vain attempt to hold her hand.

"I'm pregnant, about eight weeks." She looked down and I took a breath.

"Then it's not Opie's. You think you two could handle the added stress of a baby, a baby that Opie didn't even father, and a new relationship?" I was nothing if not pragmatic.

"It doesn't feel right." She shook her head and I moved to try to get her to meet my eyes and she did.

"If it doesn't feel right then do what does. There's no shame in doing what's right for you, for your family." She hugged me again, harder this time.

"I knew you'd set my head right." She moved away and wiped her tears. "Do you remember the names of any of the clinics you sent the other girls to when they were in deep?" Lyla asked as she composed herself. She was becoming more and more of an Old Lady by the day.

"Not off the top of my head babe but Tara might. She works in Pediatrics but she has to know that stuff for her ER rounds. I think you should go to her. It would also be good to go Old Lady to Old Lady. You need to build a support system that branches out. Going to Tara with this would help strengthen that branch." She nodded before she moved back on the bed and put her arm around me.

"I'll go in a few minutes. I wanna strengthen this branch first." I smiled and we watched the show while I filled her in on how to bond with Ellie. For so long the only women in Ellie's life who truly cared about her as "Ellie" not "Opie's Daughter" were me and Donna. Cherry, no Rita, was starting to but she was forced to leave before that bond happened. Now Lyla had a chance to give Ellie that special attention she needed and I was going to help in any way I could.

* * *

"Dammit." I sighed as I read the sheet in front of me. In order to receive full benefits I needed two doctor's signatures and an administrator. I had the doctors' signatures but I didn't know an administrator that would sign off on it. I was SAMCRO, not too highly thought of. I decided to take matters into my own hands and called Tara, since she was one of the signatures on the sheet she would be able to help me out.

"Hello?" She asked before I remembered that I'd grabbed the prepaid rather than my regular cell.

"Tara it's me." I heard a relieved sigh.

"Is everything ok?" I could hear the sounds of hustle and bustle around her, she was either at the nurse's station or the ER.

"I'm looking at my Tribal Benefits sheet and I need an administrator to sign it. Without this signature my Tribal Insurance won't kick in neither will the disability. Do you know any administrator that would willingly sign something for one of us." I waited to hear her denial at being lumped with me but it didn't come.

"I know someone who would help but you've just got to be honest with her about your Tribal affiliation and medical problems. The less you mention the club the better but with this I doubt she'd see a reason to refuse you." It was my turn to sigh in relief.

"Thank you so much. I love you." I put as much feeling as I could into the words and I swore I could hear her smile over the phone.

"I love you too. She should be up there in about fifteen minutes." She hung up and I did the same. I hoped this administrator wasn't a hardass, that might release my inner Gemma.

True to Tara's word the admin came in my room about fifteen minutes later. She was one of those people that just seem bland. From the top of her head to the soles of her feet she was nondescript. The only thing of any interest was the bruising and injury to her face. That's when it struck me, this was the admin who tried to destroy Tara's career, no wonder the bitch would be cooperative.

"Mrs. Ortiz?" She asked, when I nodded she held out her hand. I tentatively took it and she sat at the seat next to me and took out a file I hadn't seen her holding.

"My name is Margaret Murphy, Dr. Knowles says you require an administrator's signature to receive Tribal Benefits, such as medical insurance and disability. We'll just go over your records first since I already know that you aren't fit for work at the moment. According to your records you were insured by the same company as your employer Oswald Construction but due to medical suspension your insurance is being suspended as well, effective as of next month. Does this sound correct?" I nodded, at that moment I loved Elliot Oswald, he was making sure that the bulk of my medical bills would be handled by the insurance.

"It's all correct." I verbalized my nod and she gave me a small, genuine smile.

"If that's the case then I see no problem with signing your paperwork. What you're doing seems very responsible and I truly wish to see you and your baby taken care of. Dr. Knowles is very fond of you, you know." She took the forms from my lap and began signing and initialing.

"I'm very fond of her myself ma'am. She's my sister in every way but blood." I gave her a genuine smile of my own.

"How do you know each other?" Chick must have gone for his coffee break because otherwise seeing him she would have known immediately.

"She was, until recently, in a relationship with my brother. She was also the maid of honor at my wedding." She removed her pen from the paper and looked up. Shit, I'd done what Tara asked me not to.

"No matter, you are a patient who is seeking legitimate care for yourself and your child. As an administrator it is my job to see that everyone who needs medical care receives it in full. Will your husband be available to assist in your care?" I could hear the underlying question. Was my husband too much of a brainless thug to care for his injured wife and child? I schooled my temper before I answered.

"Yes he will but until I can care for myself I will also be employing a full time nurse. Her pay is included in the request form." She nodded and looked over the request form.

"Might I make a suggestion?" As long as it wasn't to "leave the life" I'd consider it so I nodded. "Perhaps you should add a request for additional care staff to ensure that you receive around the clock care and your nurse receives an adequate break. In fact, I will add an addendum and attach it to this request before it goes out."

"Ummm, thank you. I don't know why you're putting so much effort into helping me but thank you." I gave her a smile and she smiled back.

"Like I said before what you are doing is responsible and shows a desire to help yourself and your family. I have nothing but respect for what you are trying to accomplish and wish to help you with those goals. I'll leave you my card and if you need any more help with insurance or anything else call me." I nodded and took the card she offered before she put the forms back in my lap, all were signed. "I'll have that addendum typed and delivered to you by the end of the day today. Take care of yourself Mrs. Ortiz and if you need anything don't be afraid to ask."

She gingerly shook my hand before she went out the door. _That_ was the bitch who tried to ruin Tara? Shit, she was actually nice, she genuinely wanted to help me. As long as she didn't call CPS on me we were good, but god help her if she tried to _save _me. With that last, unpleasant thought I sat back in my bed and looked at the paperwork.


	9. Chapter 9

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Nine**

Chantal's POV**  
**

** "**Hey, handsome. Up for a trip?" I asked Phil as he stood at the bar looking at different sheets.

"Can't, gotta do club shit. Don't you have work?" He asked and I shrugged. I'd gotten a promotion at work so my hours had changed a bit.

"Now that I'm Head of Marketing and Distribution my hours have changed. Also, the head of the company's a Jew and today's a holy day so we got let off. I'm not gonna question it. So when the club business is done?" I liked Phil; he was funny, nice, smart and looked like a big, friendly teddy bear. He was the exact opposite of what I'd come to associate bikers in general and SAMCRO in particular with. He was bound to be a badass but as long as he stayed Phil I knew I had a friend.

"We'll see, I have to help Miles with Gemma's bird and go to the hospital. One of my duties is keeping Juice updated on Milla's condition. Though I was told that under no circumstances was I to tell him about her heart attack. As far as he's concerned she's still 'under observation'. " I nodded, I understood that. He was the moron's Prospect so of course he had that duty.

"Thanks for thinking about me Phil. One more thing, where'd the douchebag who hit on me go? I haven't seen him around." Phil got a smirk on his face before he piled the forms he was looking at up and tapped them against the table to keep them even.

"He couldn't cut it. He saw a tiny bit of the shit we're gonna be doing and bailed. He left his cut on the tow truck." I hissed, that wasn't good. I'd only been a part of this world for a few months but even I knew that was bad. I'd have to consult with Milla about just how bad.

"Damn, I guess I should get to the hospital now. I need to talk to the nurse about Milla's care. Her brother asked me to help out so I'm doing what I can." I picked my bag up off the bar and slung it over my shoulder.

"You're a good friend Chantal, to the club and to Milla." It made me grin, I couldn't have received a better compliment.

"Thanks Phil I hope I can be half as good a friend to you as you are to me." I blew him a kiss and walked out the door. I'd only been able to spend ten minutes with Milla yesterday so I hoped the time limit was off, I had a lot of things to talk to her about.

* * *

"I'm sorry Miss-" The woman was groping for a name I hadn't given her.

"Tao, it's Chantal Tao." She nodded and looked at the list again.

"As I was saying I'm sorry but the doctor has Mrs. Ortiz under very strict guidelines. Only family is allowed to visit. I could let Mrs. Ortiz know that you stopped by." I took a calm breath before I answered her carefully.

"What do you consider family Nurse-" I looked at her nametag, "Reynolds?"

"I'm just following the hospital rules and-" I held up a hand to cut her off.

"Are you from Charming Nurse Reynolds or Lodi, somewhere in the general vicinity of here?" I asked as I impatiently tapped my foot.

"No, I'm from Sacramento. I just moved here with my fiancé." There it was, I could give her a pass.

"Then your ignorance can be forgiven. That woman in there is part of SAMCRO, husband, brother, father…all members and she has countless Uncles and adopted brothers who love, care for and protect her. Do you know anything about the Sons of Anarchy?" She shrugged and looked uncomfortable. "They're a family, a huge family that's constantly growing and changing and that woman in there is the freaking princess. That means that anyone she wants can visit her."

"I have to talk to her doc-" I cut her off again.

"No you have to pay attention. You see a guy in a leather vest with a reaper on it you let him pass. You see a woman with him she gets in too. The point is that as long as they're SAMCRO in some way shape or form, you let them through." Her eyes got wide and she jumped like a deer when clapping started up behind us.

"Couldn't have put it better myself darlin'." I turned around and saw the spiky haired guy I always seemed to see around the clubhouse. I could never remember his name but I knew Milla adored him and he was currently housesitting for her and the moron. Phil was trailing along behind, looking amused at the situation.

"I'm going to go talk to Dr. Nior." She practically ran away and I turned back to the Son.

"I don't think we've been introduced darlin'. I'm Ken Kozik, but _never _call me Ken." He held out his hand and I took it, impressed by the fact that he gave me a genuine smile and a real handshake.

"Chantal Tao." We shook for a few seconds before I withdrew my hand from his and he looked at me.

"How's Mills, we don't have much time to stop today." He glanced over at her door with a nod and Phil went in. He was probably going to read her chart and see what he could find out.

"Before Little Nurse Sunshine in there kicked me out she was sleeping, but Paco says the doctors think she has a murmur that's giving her heartbeat a little hitch. Not surprising since her heart's working harder to bypass that tear." He nodded before he very obviously checked me out. Sorry dude, I only did dudes on camera. Phil came out and stood by the door, watching our exchange.

"Have any plans for the night? We're gonna have a little something at the clubhouse. Nothing formal." I smiled and looked over at Phil who was grinning into his hand and hiding a laugh with a cough. He was very familiar with my preferences, they were the only reason we were still in "friends" territory.

"I was planning on spending the night at home prepping for work tomorrow, but thank you for the offer." There, polite and respectful. I wouldn't have to tell him unless he forced my hand.

"How do you prep for porn?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I'm actually the Head of Marketing and Distribution for Imagica Studios. I have a lot of prep work to do." He didn't look embarrassed but he did look apologetic.

"Sorry I just thought since you were a CaraCara girl…" He let it drift and I let it slide.

"No problem, want me to keep an eye on Milla for you?" I wanted to stop this before it got awkward.

"Yeah, we have to get going but I'd still like to see you tonight. Promise me you'll think about coming." He seemed like a genuinely good guy so I smiled and nodded.

"I promise I'll think about it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to check on Milla before supernurse gets back and tears me away." The guy, Ken "never call me Ken" Kozik nodded and moved down the hall. Phil gave me a smile as he passed and I went into the room.

Milla was sleeping and looking much better than she had yesterday. There was actually color to her cheeks and she didn't look as puffy. She was hooked up to two different heart monitors, one on her own heart and the other a fetal monitor. As I looked at the monitors I saw what Paco was talking about. About every fifth beat there was a little spike in the monitor, not good but it could be rectified. The fetal heart monitor made me smile. The beat was fast and strong, like the beating of a hummingbird's wings. That little girl was strong enough for both of them. I sat in the chair by the bed and carefully took Milla's hand. I'd recently come to terms with the fact that she'd never be mine and it didn't hurt like I thought it would. It also didn't change the fact that I felt like her man wasn't good enough for her. As I traced the veins on her hand, away from the IV she started to stir and gave me a sleepy smile and removed her hand from mine.

"Hey Chanty, been here long?" She yawned and tried to stretch but her arm and position wouldn't allow for much.

"No, not long. In fact I'm waiting to get kicked out." That made her chuckle.

"You won't, Juice isn't here and Tara put you on the approved visitors list. You're fine." She yawned again and kept giving me that sleepy smile. Fuck, that smile would always wreck me.

"The nurse said that only family was allowed." She nodded and gave me a soft look.

"You are family, I love you Chanty and there's no way I'll ever be able to repay you for everything you've done for me." Tears formed in her eyes and I gave her some tissues, "Thanks, I hate the fact that all I seem to do lately is cry."

"It happens, my aunt cried her whole pregnancy, we thought the baby would be a mummy, no water left for the womb." That made her laugh and stopped her tears. "That's better, now when it comes to me doing this for you. I'm doing it because I love you and want to see you get well. I also love that little girl growing inside you. Think I can be Aunty Chantal? There'd be no greater honor."

She gave me a smile before she settled her hand on her stomach.

"You hear that peanut, Aunty Chantal loves you and wants to be in your life. What do you say baby?" She asked her stomach before she suddenly laughed and took my hand from the bed. The baby was kicking, it seemed like she liked the idea.

"That's amazing, how does it feel on your end?" I asked as the baby continued to kick, the vibrations were light and felt like they should tickle.

"It depends, if she kicks the right spot it hurts, sometimes it kind of tickles but it always feels wonderful. When she kicks I know she's ok." The smile on her face was so maternal and angelic that I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She might never be mine but I did love this woman.

"She's strong like her Mama, everything will be ok." She smiled and moved my hand to Esperanza's new spot and we shared the joy of the moment.

* * *

I was sitting alone in the hospital room doing some work on my phone. Milla had to go to a meeting with her physical therapist and her Obstetrician wanted to do an internal exam so they moved her to a different room while the examination took place. She wanted me to stay around and I had no pressing matters to attend to so it was no big deal that I was hanging out in her room. I had been enjoying the quiet for a while when suddenly I heard a persistent ringing, it would stop for a few seconds then start up again. I got up and searched around the room before I found the phone in the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed from where I started.

"Hello?" I asked as I answered the prepay.

"Who's this, where's Milla? God did something happen?" It was Milla's husband and he sounded jumpy and on the verge of a freakout.

"Calm down dude, Milla's at an appointment with her obstetrician and she's got a consult with physical therapy. She's as good as she can be at the moment. It's Chantal by the way." Didn't want the thug to blow a gasket

"Of course it's you. Listen I just wanted to hear her voice, some serious shit went down here, shit of the kaboom variety. You aren't supposed to know about it and I want you to promise me that Milla won't either. She has enough shit to deal with with her heart and Stahl on her case again." I wasn't supposed to tell about the heart attack but now it was the lesser of two evils.

"Actually Agent Stahl isn't allowed near Milla anymore. She gave her a heart palpitation one day and full on heart attack the next. She comes near Milla again she gets an official citation." I had to move the phone from my ear at the stream of curses that came from his mouth.

"How is she now? I get why they didn't tell me but tell me now." These were orders I could actually follow.

"She has a new heart murmur but surgery and meds will take care of it. Esperanza is healthy and developing normally, she's perfect. All in all your family's safe and Milla's getting better every day. Don't worry about her safety either, there's a Son or a Prospect here at all times, there's also someone with her quite a bit. I know Tara's been spending her breaks in the room. Anything else you wanna know?" I liked being in this position of power over him. He may have been her husband but I was the one who knew what was going down.

"No, you're sure she's fine?" He sounded so concerned that I felt the spot in my heart where I felt hate for him start to soften a little.

"Yes and if she wasn't one of your boys would have let you know. Want me to have her call you when she's back and settled?" I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for his reply.

"No, I'll call if anything comes up. Please let her know that I love her and Espy. I know you hate me but consider this request in line with the truce." He knew I had power and deferred to it. Fuck, I wasn't supposed to like him, ever.

"I will." With that he hung up and I did the same shoving the phone in the nightstand drawer and closing it. I went back to sit in the visitor's chair and resume my work, no use just sitting there waiting, I had responsibilities now. As I was answering an email there was a knock on the doorjamb and an older guy came in. He had grey hair and a very nice smile. He looked toward the bed and when he saw that it was empty his face fell.

"Miss do you know where Milla is?" He asked and I saw the look on his face when he said her name. I was all too familiar with that look and knew the pain that it could bring. I gave him a sympathetic look before I answered.

"She should be with her physical therapist right now. I'd say she'll be gone no more than an hour. I'm Chantal Tao, we've met informally before." He shook my hand and gave me a genuine smile.

"Elliot Oswald, you're right we have met before. You've been at Milla's side throughout this whole ordeal. I'm glad she has a friend that she can rely on. Do you know what her condition is?" He cocked his head to the side as he asked his question and I smiled.

"She's doing well sir, she just needs to relax and stay off her feet. The baby's doing great as well." He nodded and remained standing by the bed.

"Thank you for that, I wish I had time to wait but I just wanted to check on Milla, my daughter is making me give her reports on Milla's condition." I smiled a little wider and nodded. I'd heard about his daughter, the little girl was brave and I hoped what happened didn't lead to her making bad life choices.

"Not a problem Mr. Oswald. Want me to have Milla call or text your daughter so that she can have that contact?" I sounded like I was Milla's secretary and the thought made me smile so wide I felt like my face would split.

"That would be great Ms. Tao, it was lovely speaking with you." He shook my hand again before he walked out the door. I shook my head at the poor guy's retreating back before I went back to my work.

* * *

"Five card stud, aces are wild." I told the table as I dealt the cards. Tina, Kozik, and Phil hastily picked them up while my pile collected in front of me.

"I bet a free oil change." I raised my eyebrows at Kozik and he grinned, "I'm a little tapped for cash right now so all I have to bet are services."

I laughed and looked at my cards, I had shit so I took my notebook out of my purse and wrote down a simple IOU on there. Phil saw what I was doing and smiled while Tina looked at Kozik like he was a cool glass of water and she'd been wandering the desert.

"My bet." I put the folded paper in the center of the table.

"I fold." Phil said and I guessed he wasn't going to bluff like me.

"I bet a strip tease to the winner." She grinned and Kozik looked at his cards.

We put down our hands and I saw that Tina had won. Good, because my IOU would have confused the guys. As she read the slip she laughed. The words "Chump Dance" were written and she grinned.

"You were really gonna do the "Chump Dance" for them?" She asked and I smiled while I dealt the cards again. We played a few rounds and I was enjoying myself. Phil won a lap dance but had to give it up since apparently a Prospect didn't deserve a lap dance and I'd won a tune up for my car which was good because my baby had started going downhill.

"Ok it's been driving me crazy the whole game. What the hell's a "Chump Dance"?" Kozik asked and Tina and I shared a look before we burst out laughing. She looked at me and I nodded, she could tell them.

"A "Chump Dance" is when a stripper or professional dancer ties the guy to a chair, offering to get completely naked, do whatever he wants. Then once the dude is tied up and dangling out his pants the dancer leaves and invites the other girls to mock and humiliate him. It usually happens after the guy has run up too much of a tab and the owner is sick of him." I burst out laughing at the looks on the guys' faces and Tina grinned.

"Et tu Chantal?" Phil asked feigning hurt and I smiled before I reached over and patted his hand.

"Not for you buddy, I would have tied you up yes, but I would've gotten someone else to give you the dance." Satisfied he smiled and looked at his hand.

"Ok I'm sick of the IOUs, why don't we make this more interesting?" Tina sounded too peppy and I looked in her eyes before I shook my head.

"No." I put my cards down and she pouted.

"Come on, strip poker's fun and we can all get into it." She pouted again and I continued to shake my head.

"Yeah, it sounds fun." Kozik looked like a kid on Christmas and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"If you two wanna do it that way it's your deal. Phil and I are happy with the game the way it is, right Phil?" He nodded and put down his hand while Kozik and Tina seemed to have a private conversation.

"Give me a deck of cards, we're taking this game to the back." I laughed and handed the unopened pack I had in reserve to them and Tina raised her eyebrows before she and Kozik practically ran to the back I shook my head and looked at Phil.

"Looks like it's just you and me. Anything you wanna do?" I cleaned up the table and he gave me a grin.

"Still up for that ride?" He asked and I grinned. I was always up for a ride.


	10. Chapter 10

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Ten**

"How's my favorite patient?" Dr. Nior asked as she walked into the exam room where I'd been prepped.

"Tired, I don't think the new meds are working out." I straightened my robe out and adjusted my arm sling.

"Well I've been working with Dr. Bremmer and we feel that this medication poses the least threat to you and your child." Damn it I was over a barrel.

"Will I ever be alert again?" I asked impetuously and she chuckled.

"Once your little girl is born we'll arrange for new medication. Now, let's get you checked out." She smiled and I simply lay back while she helped me put my legs in the stirrups and prepare for the internal and external examination.

It was over and I discovered that it was more of the same, Espy was growing big and strong and my due date had been changed, I just had a little over two months to go. I'd had a consult with my physical therapist as well and he'd said that as soon as my arm was healed I could begin the full regiment, but warned me that it would be slow going. He also said that I would be able to hold Espy but I'd need someone to lift her for me. All in all the appointment and consult were chock full of good news. I also learned that I'd moved up from eighty percent mobility to eighty-five percent mobility and breast feeding could be achieved as long as a specialized pillow was used. For that I was grateful, I didn't want to miss on that bonding time with my baby.

As the nurse wheeled me into the room I saw Chantal sitting with a thoughtful look on her face that turned to a bright smile when she saw me. She stayed seated as the nurse helped me get into bed and hooked me up to all my monitors.

"Need anything else Milla?" She asked with a smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

"No Dixie, just make sure Tara puts me on your rotation next shift." She nodded then gave a little wave as she walked out. I hadn't had the best luck with nurses; most were still pissed off about the shooting, just like everyone in Charming, but the nurses seemed to take it personally, like we were all responsible.

"Hubby called." Chantal said as soon as Dixie was gone and I turned to look at her. "I answered the prepay."

"Is everything ok?" I knew the answer and I knew she wouldn't elaborate but I had to try.

"Could be better. He just wanted you to know that all the guys are ok. He also wants you to know that he loves you and Esperanza." I nodded, there was more to it but she wouldn't get into it.

"Ok, thanks for that. Did he give you any trouble?" They'd both repeated _ad nauseum _that they had a truce going on but I didn't believe it for a second. They had too much bad blood between them to just get over it.

"No sweetheart, no trouble. He was disappointed that I answered and you didn't though." I nodded, that made sense.

"I'll call him later, he told me not to but I need to hear his voice." She smiled and tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

"I'm going shopping later, is there anything you want me to pick up?" She asked as she sat back in her chair.

"Can you check my house, make sure Koz has enough food and stuff?" I really did want Koz to have everything he needed; he was doing so much for us I just wanted everything to be good.

"No problem." She smiled again then laughed. "Does he really get mad if you call him Ken?"

"Apoplectic with rage. You get called Ken doll enough and have questions about whether or not you really have junk, it tends to get to you. Just be sure to call him Kozik or Koz then you'll be ok." She nodded and we continued to have a nice chat before she got a call from Phil and went to the clubhouse. She was becoming a friend to the club and it made me happy.

* * *

"So as far as we can tell everything's going well for them over there." Paco said as he sat in the chair by the bed and unwound yarn I was using to crochet a hat for Abel. When that baby boy came home I wanted him to know how much I loved him.

"How are things going around here? I heard what happened to Lumpy, anything go further with that?" He looked uneasy; he was probably given express instructions to leave the stressful stuff out when he talked to me.

"We're working on it, so far Chick and me are just responsible for taking care of you. Your Old Man and your Dad gave us the charge." I nodded, I expected nothing less.

"You guys getting the rest you need though? Getting laid?" I really didn't want them to miss out because of me.

"My Old Lady's comin from Thief River, once she shows up then I can get laid." That made me smile. Paco was one of those "one woman" men, that's pretty rare around here.

"Send her my way when she gets here. I wanna meet the woman good enough for Marcello "Paco" Moretti." He smiled and we shared a companionable silence while I crocheted. I had finished a hat for Abel and started some booties when there was a knock at the door followed by a bald entirely unwelcome head. Paco stiffened next to me and put the yarn on the bed. He was ready to "escort" Unser out.

"Hi there Milla, I hear you're doing better." He gave me a smile and I felt my face go blank.

"What do you want Chief?" I asked and made sure my voice sounded as harsh and cold as I could make it.

"Can I talk to you for a second? Alone…" He looked at Paco who was poised to attack. I reached out and placed my hand on his arm and when he looked at me he calmed down.

"Go wait in the hall please. I've got this." He searched my face before he nodded and moved around Unser. Once he was gone Unser moved to the chair and I moved away. "What do you want?"

"I guess you do know what's going on then." He tried to joke it off but I allowed my rage to come through.

"You're surprised that they let me know that there's a _traitor_ in our midst?" I put as much venom in my voice as I was able. "I don't know why you're here Chief but I'm not gonna lie I don't want you here."

"You're just like your Mom, you know that?" He chuckled and I just looked at him. "Ok I wanted to see if you know anything about the Mayans."

"Like what? Like the fact that there's a truce? Like the fact that it couldn't have been a Mayan who attacked Lumpy Feldstein? That's all I'm telling you and if you ask how I know I'll just deny I said anything and I have a twelve hundred dollar an hour lawyer who will back me up." He nodded knowing I wasn't going to say anything else.

"Don't worry Milla, that's all I wanted to know. Also, thank you for that letter you wrote to the police department. David would be proud that you thought so highly of him and I'm sure he understands why you couldn't make it to his funeral." I rolled my eyes, of course he understood.

"As big of a Boy Scout and pain in the ass he was the man treated me with respect and went out of his way to help me. He deserved my respect and earned it. Whereas you lost it the second you pulled a gun on my fucking mother you cowardly shithead." I put the force of my anger behind the glare and he ducked his head.

"There are things at play that you don't know Milla, just know that I just want to do what's best for Charming." I laughed in his face as I shook my head.

"Fuck that and fuck you. You only want to do what's best for Wayne Unser, if you gave a fuck about Charming you wouldn't have turned your back on us. I used to care about you Wayne, hell I considered you family now you're nothing but a fucking traitor." He didn't say anything, just looked at me. "You're not welcome here. I only want _family_ with me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Milla. Take care of yourself and that baby." He got up and went out the door. I felt like I could breathe again and Paco came in and simply sat. He seemed to know that I needed quiet at the moment.

I had always considered Unser to be an unmovable force. He was the last person in the world I ever thought would betray us and that made this so much worse. I took a deep breath and picked up the bootie I was working on I needed an activity to get my mind off the bullshit.

* * *

"I need out Tara. I need to go home, need to get back in the fucking loop. I'm going crazy not knowing what's going on." She smiled as she looked at my chart and sat down.

"You are in the loop sweetheart and as for going home I'd say that if this keeps up you'll be home in a couple of days, maybe three." She made a note in the chart before she gave me a loving look.

"Thank god. Is something wrong, you've been out of it for a while?" I asked as I reached my hand out and she took it.

"Nothing's wrong sweetie but I do have a lot on my mind and when you get better we'll talk about it." I raised my eye brow and she shook her head. "I'm not telling you now but I guarantee you that I will. You ok with that?"

"I guess I have to be. Oh I have a favor to ask." I sat up excited and she looked amused as she nodded for me to continue. "Can you thank Ms. Murphy for me? My paperwork went through and thanks to her addendum I'm getting care staff. Are there any nurses who'd be willing to work freelance?"

"I'll thank Margaret for you and the nurses around here are always looking for extra work. I know Dixie would love to work with you. The rumor going around is that she was friends with you in high school." I nodded, friend seemed like a strong word but we were definitely civil to each other and her family was pro-SAMCRO so it would actually be good to have that support around.

"I'll ask her during her next shift. I told her to have you put her on my rotation." Tara smiled and shook her head.

"Sometimes I forget you're your Mother's daughter, then you do this. Though I will admit you find nicer ways to get what you want." She laughed and I smiled.

"Not true, if I got what I wanted Juice would be here right now." I sighed, damn it all. I'd gone about two hours without thinking about him now I wanted to cry. I was missing him so badly it was a physical pain. Tara squeezed my hand and had me look at her.

"Hey, he'll be back. Look at me; I don't want you going to that bad place again." She squeezed my hand and I smiled.

"Yeah, I don't want you slapping me." That made her chuckle and suddenly her cell beeped and she took it out, looked at it then gave me an apologetic look.

"I've gotta go scrub in, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Love you." She squeezed my hand one last time and rushed out the door.

"Love you too." I called to her retreating back and smiled. As long as I had Tara, Lyla and Chantal I could survive this shit.

* * *

I stared at the phone in my hands for minutes that felt like hours as I considered the ramifications of what I was doing. I was told not to call, I was told to wait and I ran the risk of being overheard. Those were the cons. The pros boiled down to the fact that I'd get to talk to Juice. I missed my husband and I needed him. I knew that I needed to be strong, for myself, for Espy, for the club but more than that I needed my man. How the fuck was I supposed to survive his incarceration? With a deep breath I pressed the button and waited for the connection.

"Baby?" I almost started crying again when I heard his voice.

"Yeah, it's me. God I miss you." I took a deep breath to keep the tears in check. I was getting better at keeping them in, but they still snuck up on me from time to time.

"I miss you too. How are you? I know they're keeping things from me." I snorted, like he wasn't keeping a ton of bullshit from me.

"I'm fine, really. Phil and Koz can give a full report to you later. Now tell me what was so important that you broke self-initiated noncom this afternoon?" There, my voice was sounding stronger, steady.

"I can't tell you baby. Clay would kill me." I scoffed, Dad would be the least of his worries if I found out he was keeping heavy shit from me.

"What do you think I'll do if you don't tell me baby?" I purred into the phone and heard him sigh.

"I don't even wanna think about that, but baby its deep shit, really deep and I don't want you having another heart attack." It was reasonable but I was sick of people deciding what was best for me. Maybe I had a bit of my Mother's impractical streak in me after all.

"Tell me Juice. I can hear a weight in your voice and it bothers me. Why do you have that weight on you baby?" I put as much love as I could into it and heard him cave.

"We went on a protection run to Dungloe. Someone set us up, and there was a bomb. We lost five brothers." His voice got thick and I felt my heart stop in my chest while I took several deep breaths. He was in Ireland, home of the terrorist bombing; of course someone would go that route. I was quiet for a while as the logic of the "what?" seeped in and controlled the stress in my body. There were still the questions of "why?" and "who?" to consider but we'd all learn that in time.

"Baby? You there?" He asked and there was a thread of panic. I took a deep breath before I answered.

"Yeah, I'm here. Are you ok? Were any of the five SAMCRO?" I couldn't ask if one of them was Jax or Dad. Putting it into words would make it possible and nothing was supposed to touch them. They were supposed to be invincible.

"They were all SAMBEL baby, but some of us got banged up pretty bad. Don't worry, ok, we're all ok and coming home as soon as Jax finds Abel. We're all working on it." Hearing that released the pressure in my chest. Maybe they were invincible after all. I was ready to speak when I heard a voice in the background.

"Get your sodding arse back here boy. You owe me three fags for that last hand." The voice was female and familiar to me and my brow furrowed. Juice spoke to her.

"I just have to say goodbye to my wife Fiona, then I'll be back to finish the game." I could hear the smile in his voice when he said "wife" and I smiled too.

"Wife? Oh right, Gemma's girl. Tell her hello from me and to be sure to take care of the wee one." She chuckled in the background and Juice snorted.

"I will Fiona." He said before he started talking to me again. "I love you but I have to go babe, I'm takin' care of Chibs' family."

"That's an important job, I know you have to go but I need you baby, even just a voice." I took a deep breath. I was done crying.

"I love you and need you too. We'll be home before you know it and you'll be sick of me. I'll be leaving empties on the coffee table and my boxers in the bathroom. You'll see baby, you'll get so sick of me and I'll be loving every minute of it. You're so hot when you're angry baby." This time I heard tears in his voice and I had to take another deep breath. "Take care of my little princess baby. I love you two more than anything else."

"I love you too baby." I whispered and we both hung up before we got too emotional.

Once I hung up I stuffed the phone in the drawer and took a deep breath. I was doing ok, my heart wasn't going too fast or too slow and I was still conscious. I must have been doing better and I wasn't crying. Oh happy day, maybe I'd actually get to go home this time.


	11. Chapter 11

I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.

**Chapter Eleven**

Something was up. Something huge and I didn't know a god damned thing about it. For the last day and a half I'd been on blackout. No information came to me. I got calls from Juice who was still on protection detail and I knew serious shit was going down in Belfast. What worried me most was the fact that I hadn't heard from or seen Tara, she was my rock right now and I had no idea where the fuck she was. Paco and Chick were both on alert and neither were at liberty to discuss why my protection detail had been increased yet again. I felt like I was going insane, the last time I'd been under such an information lockdown was Donna's shooting and I prayed that this wasn't another epic clusterfuck.

"Hey there sweetheart." I was shaken out of my thoughts when I heard the voice that could calm the most savage of beasts.

"Neeta, I'm so glad you're here." I felt such relief it was insane.

"My little blackbird's comin' home today, where else would I be?" She asked and I smiled.

"What do you mean Neeta? I haven't gotten the release paperwork or anything." I was confused, no one had talked to me about it but yesterday both Dr. Nior and Dr. Bremmer had come in to say that I'd made amazing leaps in my recovery. Most likely due to extreme stubbornness and frustration.

"Just procedure sweetheart. Thank the good lord Jesus that you're gonna be home and soon enough that little baby's gonna be comin' home too." That made me smile; I truly couldn't wait until Esperanza made her appearance, then my smile dropped. She'd be coming into the world but she wouldn't have a chance to know her Daddy for a long time. "Put that frown away girl. Everything will work out."

"Sorry, just thinking about Juice." She nodded in understanding and picked up my crochet bag from the side of the bed and chuckled.

"I remember when I taught you how to do this. You made a blanket for Jackson took you an entire summer. He still has that blanket; he kept it in Abel's room." I didn't know why but that revelation caused tears to form in my eyes and she moved from the chair and held me like she used to when I was little. Things were truly coming full circle. "Let it out, just let it out baby."

"I don't know what I'm gonna do without him Neeta." I cried harder and she just kept on holding me.

"You're gonna survive sweetheart. It's all you can do. Now, I'm gonna sit here with you before the doctors come in and give you that last examination. Then one of the boys and Harry's girl Lyla are comin' to bring you home. Once you're home I'm puttin' you to bed then you're going to relax and let that baby girl get some rest." I nodded against her chest before she smoothed down my hair and went to sit down again.

"Have you talked to any of the doctors yet?" I asked after I calmed myself down sufficiently.

"Just your physical therapist. We'll start those hand exercises tomorrow. As soon as we get you home, you're resting. Don't give me no lip about it either." She pointed at me and I smiled.

"No Ma'am, no lip." She smiled and I rested against the pillows.

* * *

"Now Milla, the most important thing that both Dr. Bremmer and myself stress is that you are not to put yourself under undue stress. That means that you rest your body and mind as much as possible. No work, no family drama, no sexual excitement. You need to remain calm, cool and collected. We also want you to walk as little as possible. According to your home healthcare aide your house has two levels, she has already outfitted a room for you on your lower level to meet our requirements for you and we have been assured that you will receive around the clock care. Does this sound reasonable?" Dr. Nior asked and I almost laughed. "No family drama"? Jesus Christ all our family had was drama, but I nodded anyway. I'd do anything to go home. Dr. Nior was still looking at me so I nodded.

"Perfectly reasonable Doctor." She seemed satisfied as she made a note on my chart.

"Very well, I'll go to Dr. Bremmer and get his signature, then you can go home." She turned on her heel and walked out of the room, probably as eager to get me gone as I was.

I started getting my things from around my bed as I waited for Neeta to come back. I smiled as I thought about how things in my world always seemed to circle back. When I was a child Neeta had been my nanny, helping with things while Mom was busy being Queen. Now she'd care for me again and when my baby was born she'd take care of her. I started humming "Circle of Life" which had just popped into my head when the prepay in my drawer started ringing. I went into alert mode. Juice was still on protection and he'd given me a very specific time for his call so something had to be up. I quickly grabbed the phone and answered as butterflies flew furiously in my stomach.

"Hello?" The number wasn't Juice's but I knew it had to be one of the guys' prepays.

"Millipede…" When I heard Jax's voice my heart started pounding and I willed it to go back to normal but he sounded so broken, so upset that my heart wouldn't listen.

"Jax, what's wrong?" I didn't even know what was up but my heart was breaking for him. He wouldn't be this upset unless…"Oh god, did you find Abel?"

I took a deep breath and could hear his tears over the phone. No, my nephew was alive, he had to be.

"I don't know what to do Milla, don't know anything." I felt tears in my eyes, Abel was involved but if it was something that tragic they would have had Juice tell me.

"What do you need to do big brother?" I asked as softly as I could, keeping the panic out of my voice.

"I can't do this, can't be this." He was making no sense, he'd cracked and I was scared. "I tortured and killed a man yesterday. I'm not a good man."

"No, you're a great man Jackson and everything you did was to preserve your family, preserve _our_ family. Jax, what happened? You're scaring me." I was going from scared to terrified.

"I gotta go Millipede, I love you." He hung up and I was beyond confused. He was obviously wrestling with something and I found myself in the same boat as him. I didn't know what to do. I closed the cell and stuffed it in my bag with my other phone and willed my heart to slow. This time it worked and by the time Neeta came in with a change of clothes in her arms I was ready to go.

* * *

"Ok, Milla just sign there and you are free to go." I smiled at Dixie and signed the discharge papers. I was going home and I couldn't have been happier. I handed the clipboard back to her and hopped out of bed. Neeta had been good enough to get me a dress that I could just pull over my head and sandals I could just slip my feet into. As soon as she brought me the clothes I had her help me get dressed. Now all I needed was the wheel chair and my ride and I was outta here. While I waited I picked up the phone again, ever since Jax called I'd been spooked.

For once there was no drama as Neeta helped me into the wheelchair and drove carefully to my house. I did cry when I saw my home, I missed the horrible yellow paint job with the peeling blue trim. The cracked mortar and the garage Juice spent so much time modifying for his bike. I thought that thinking of him would make me cry harder, instead it stopped the tears and I was able to smile. I missed him but he would be home, I could feel it.

"Ready to go home little bird?" Neeta asked as we stopped as close to the door as we could and I nodded. I waited patiently while she got out of the car and helped me out. I looked around and saw that the lawn had been mowed, my garden weeded and our hedges trimmed. I loved having Prospects around.

With Neeta's assistance I got into the house and stood in shock at the chaos around me. There were jeans and t-shirts draped over the couch, empties and full ashtrays scattered around the living room and the smell of burnt bacon wafting from the kitchen. Oh yeah, Koz was staying here.

"Dear Lord give me strength." Neeta muttered as she guided me to one of our guestrooms. My guess was that Koz was staying in the large basement guestroom, though if the couch was any indication he'd been sleeping there instead. When we went through the door I had to smile, there was a fully functional hospital bed, rails and all, with a recliner next to it and a bassinet in the corner. There was medical equipment next to the bed and one of the closets looked equipped with everything I'd need medically

"Here we are sweetheart. Let's get you in some pajamas and settled in this bed then you can rest and I'll give you some medication." I nodded and sat patiently on the bed while Neeta got me a loose nightgown and what looked like a new robe. I raised my eyebrows and she chuckled. "Lyla did some shopping. We all thought it would be good for you to have good, clean clothes that you could handle yourself."

As if speaking of the devil we heard the sound of a car pulling up followed by a bike. A few seconds later there was the sound of people talking, then the door opening. Neeta helped me

"I'm running late but why aren't her bodyguards here?" I grinned wide. Lyla was here with one of the guys.

"Some shit's going down but Chick's going to sleep on the couch tonight." Good, Koz was here, I missed him even if he was a slob.

Neeta had just helped me into my robe and I was settling into the bed when Lyla and Koz walked in. They both gave me grins before Lyla moved quickly and carefully hugged me before she joined me on the bed; she knew where her place was. Koz stayed leaning against the doorway while Neeta shook her head at him.

"You better be plannin' on cleaning that living room." She had walked up to him giving no mistake as to who she was talking to.

"What?" He looked confused for a second before he drew out his most charming smile. I knew Neeta, she wouldn't fall for it.

"That little girl needs a clean, orderly house and in the last week and a half between you and your _visitors_ it's a mess. I may be black honey but I'm no maid. If you love her clean up your damn mess." He looked taken aback while Lyla and I shared a laugh.

"I'll have the Prospects do it. Too much shit's going on but I am sorry Mills, really." I nodded; I knew that making things tough for me would be the last thing he'd want.

"No problem now tell me what this shit is that's going down." He looked sick before he shook his head.

"No, no one's telling you a fucking thing until this gets resolved. If I give you a heart attack I'll be killed four times over. First Juice'll kill me, then Clay, then Jax and finally Tiggy. This face is too pretty to go six feet under." I was ticked but I couldn't help but giggle, he did always know how to make me laugh. His phone beeped then and he took it out. "Fuck, I gotta go. I'll have the Prospects come over to clean up shit. So good to have you home sweetheart."

He rushed over and leaned over Lyla to kiss my forehead before he made a mad dash out. I knew that whatever was up was big and involved Tara. Anything else and he would have told me. I sat back and talked with Lyla a while and bullied her into bringing my godbabies and Hunter over. I missed those kids and as long as I was monitored it would be fine.

* * *

Later that night I was sitting in bed while Neeta was directing Miles and Phil in the living room with the cleanup. I'd have Chantal and Chick to help me during the night with my staff starting the next day. Now if only someone would tell me where Tara was everything would be perfect. So far I was either around people who had no idea what was going on or were remaining quiet around me. I admitted that I wasn't in peak condition but I was ok, my heart was stronger and I was getting better at controlling my emotions. I understood on a practical level that they felt a need to protect me but I wish they would have understood that not telling me was stressing me out more. With Juice I could pull the "no info, no pussy" card but I held no power over the others…except the Prospects. Shit why didn't I think about that before I could get Phil to do just about anything for me. He knew the pull I had with Juice and my Dad. With a grin that I knew had to be evil a plan formed in my mind.

"Phil! Can you come in here?" I called out as I sat back in the bed and tried to look as pathetic as possible. I schooled my face to keep from laughing as he practically ran in the room.

"Is everything ok Milla?" He asked as he nervously wrung the rag in his hands.

"Not really, could you sit and talk with me for a minute?" I asked in a quiet voice and he looked concerned. I'd feel bad about this later but for now I needed information.

"Need me to get Neeta or call Chanty and tell to get her ass here?" He looked anxiously at the door and I shook my head and motioned to the chair. With a deep breath he moved across the room and sat in the chair. "What can I help you with?"

"I need you to tell me what's going on."I looked into Phil's eyes and saw fear flashing in them. "It's ok, in fact it's better it you tell me now so that I don't have to worry and…get worse. Wouldn't it be better for Juice and my parent's to see me hale and hearty when they return. Not knowing is stressing me out. I'm...I'm worried how this unease is affecting the baby, Juice's baby."

Oh yeah, it was low. Probably the lowest thing I'd ever done but it was working I had dropped my head during the little speech so I lifted my eyes and gazed at him through my bangs. He was warring with himself so I decided to play even dirtier. I smiled internally before I added the _piece de resistance_ I sniffled and it was the push I needed. He reached over and placed a hand on my arm.

"Don't cry, I'll tell you but please, please don't have a heart attack." I nodded and he took a really deep breath before he started, "Tara and her boss went missing about two days ago. We found out she was taken. Don't freak out please don't freak out!"

I took a deep breath and swallowed before I motioned for him to continue. I told Jax she'd be a target, told the selfish fucker. Now she was gone.

"We know who took her and we're taking steps to get her back. The situation with her is part of the reason you have more protection and why no one's been around." I nodded and took another deep breath before I trusted myself to speak.

"Who took her?" I asked and he reached up to brush my hair behind my ear. Damn, he was such a nice guy.

"Hector Salazar, the piece of shit that stole Juice's cut." My eyes went wide, no wonder I was under protection. I could have been taken for similar reasons; I was attached to too many members of the club.

"Keep me informed, or I may have to talk to my Dad about you not following orders." Another low blow but if you couldn't fuck with Prospects, who could you fuck with?

"Right, um, I should get back to Miles." He rushed out of the room and I took a deep breath. Tara was gone but my faith in the club was unflappable, if they were doing everything in their power to get her back, they would get her back.

* * *

"I cannot wait to get on that plane baby." I smiled as Juice's voice took on an excited edge.

"I can't wait for you to get home either. I miss you and need you with me." I took a deep breath. I would not cry, I would not cry.

"I'll be home before you know it. There's serious shit going down so I don't know when I'll see you." A soon as he said it I felt a smile tug my lips.

"If you think I won't be camping out in the clubhouse waiting, you don't know me at all baby." I smiled wider when I heard a quiet laugh from his end.

"I had some wishful thinking baby. How are you? How's the house?" I smiled wider.

"I'll honestly be better when you're here but I'm in better control of my heart and emotions. Espy's still strong and she's started kicking up a storm again. As for the house, the Prospects brought it back into tip top shape, Neeta was in rare form as she made them clean up Koz's mess." I lay back in my pillows and could hear noises in the background through the phone and humming coming from my kitchen where Neeta and Chantal were making supper for everyone. Neeta may not have been a maid but her roast beef was to die for.

"Good, I don't want anything to stress you out baby. God I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms again. Is your bed big enough for two?" I took a look at my bed and nodded to myself.

"Yep, they got me an extra wide one. They knew my penchant for inviting the girls to sit with me and of course my husband. How're Abel and Jax?" I bit my lip as I waited for a response.

"Good, things were touch and go for a while but our nephew's coming home. I need you so much baby, need my family." I heard Hap's gravelly voice in the background and Juice's impatient response. "We're packing up, gonna be heading out soon. I love you."

"Love you too baby, don't make Happy angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry." This got a laugh from him and I felt a small tear in my eye. Damn it I thought I was under control.

"Goodbye baby, I can't wait to see you." He hung up and I did likewise before I found a comfortable position and decided to get some rest before dinner. There was no way I was missing Neeta's roast beef.


	12. Chapter 12

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters and story lines are my own.**

**Chapter twelve**

"They're here!" I shouted as I tried to roll myself out the door one handed. Damn Koz and damn Tig for actually going along with him. I was hurt and ill, not an invalid. I huffed but grinned when I felt someone come up behind me.

"Hands inside the ride sweetheart." Tig said before he pushed me out the door and I felt my heart stop in my chest when I saw the van.

I watched as everyone got out, overjoyed when I saw Mom and Abel. Ever since Phil and Koz had filled me in on everything last night I was more than desperate to see my family together and whole. I held my breath until a tattooed and Mohawked head poked out of the van. I got out of the damn wheelchair and broke into a fast clip as I went to my husband. To hell with the wheelchair

"Baby!" He shouted and hugged me as tightly as he was able before he crushed my mouth in a kiss which left me breathless. He pressed his forehead against mine and reached his hand up to brush away the tears I didn't know had escaped. "Its ok baby, we're home."

"Yeah we're home and I missed my little girl." Juice moved away and let my dad draw me into a hug before mom stepped over to us and brought Abel. I felt like it was Christmas morning and I'd gotten every present I ever wanted. My family was here and soon we'd be whole. As soon as Dad released me Juice pulled me into his arms again before he let his hand drift to my waist and held me to his side. Mom smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek before she turned around and went with Dad and Chibs to the clubhouse. Once things were sorted out I'd get greetings from everyone. Right now I was relishing being in Juice's arms. We started walking and he stopped in front of the wheelchair.

"Why do you have a wheelchair baby?" He asked as he started massaging my hip.

"The doctors didn't want me walking much so Koz and Tig decided it would be best to put me in this contraption. It's not even motorized." I huffed and he laughed before he leaned down and nuzzled my hair.

"We'll get you a good one baby. Damn it's like I'm dreaming, having you in my arms again. I missed this." I turned and kissed him while he caressed my face

"I missed you so much I thought I was going insane. How am I going to survive the next, how many years?" I reached up and drew him into another kiss.

"Let's not think about that now. We just got home and I want to spend as much time as I can with you." I nodded and he kissed me again before I sat down in the chair. Juice got behind me and pushed me back in the clubhouse where he placed me at a table and with a light kiss went to join the guys in the Chapel. While I sat at the table Ma came over with Abel and sat down with me, but not before setting Abel on my lap.

"I missed you so much little man. You won't be going anywhere for a long time, except to Auntie Milla's where she'll spoil you and love you and you'll have a little cousin to play with." He gave that little baby gurgle and I fell in love with him all over again. I hoped he and Espy would be close as they got older. I turned to my Mom who had this look of devotion in her eyes as she looked at us. "He looks good, how's Jax, how are you?"

"Jax went through a crisis of faith while we were in Belfast, he said he called you?" I nodded and she continued, "It all worked out, if your heart ever gets sorted out we'll tell you the whole story but for now just know that we're back and everything is going to be ok."

"That's all well and good but how are you?" I leaned down and kissed the top of Abel's head while he played with my sling, the different textures of the cloth must have interested him.

"Healthwise I'm good baby, better than you right now. I'm just worried about that shit that's about to go down. Tara, Stahl, prison, your health. You think I haven't been worried sick about you darlin'? I'm just glad Juice kept me up to date." She reached over and patted my arm as I hugged Abel tighter.

"You had a lot on your mind. Besides I'm a club kid, I'm used to the club coming first and Jax is VP of that club." I had meant it to be comforting but from the look on my Mom's face it was anything but.

"This wasn't about the club baby, this was family and I wasn't here for you. That's inexcusable." I had to smile at that. I'd been put on the backburner all my life and _now_ she feels guilty about it? Jesus, getting shot really does put you to the fore.

"I'm pretty used to it by now Ma, besides I have my own family to think about. Espy's getting bigger and stronger and pretty much ready to get out. Shit!" I had thought of something important that we needed.

"What is it sweetheart?" Mom asked as she took Abel from me and cuddled him.

"Espy doesn't have a nursery. I was so sure I'd have plenty of time, now there's two months to go and all I have is a bassinet." I hung my head, the baby wasn't even born and I was already a failure as a mother.

"That's what Prospects are for. I'll have them paint and decorate one of your guestrooms, get your little skank to do some shopping. It'll be ok darlin' you think I'd let my granddaughter go without?" It made me smile, there were some things I could always count on my mom for…shit I was about to lose her too. It must have shown on my face because she leaned over and kissed my cheek. "No matter where I am I'm always your mother. I love you and will fight for you. Now, hold your nephew again while I go talk to Miles, the boy took care of my bird and I need to make sure everything's OK. I really don't wanna put my boot up his ass."

I laughed and cuddled Abel while he moved his play from my sling to my fingers. I loved that little boy and having him home was a joy that nothing else could compare to. Now if we got Tara back life would be perfect.

* * *

"I missed you." Juice whispered as he held me on the couch before he moved in for another kiss. My lips were already getting chapped but I couldn't have cared less about it. The guys were running around, getting intel and trying to get things organized while Opie and the Prospects took Ma and Abel home. I had yet to talk to Jax but for now I was just content having Juice back.

"Missed you more." I said once the kiss broke before I rested my head on his shoulder. We sat in silence while I rested my head and he ran his fingertips over my stomach. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, things I wanted to do that they overwhelmed me so I just had to be content and sit with my man and enjoy it. Their bail hearing would be soon and there was no telling when we'd even be able to touch again. Fucking Federal prisons and their stupid rules.

"Yo, Juice. Koz and Bobby are back." Paco said as he walked to us. Juice leaned down and kissed me one more time before he got up and followed Paco out. Something was going down I knew it.

I sat on the couch while I waited for the guys to return, I knew the errand they were running had something to do with Salazar. I hoped against hope that they found Tara and that either Jax or Juice got to take him out. It bothered me that Juice had had a chance to take him out, full retaliation for the cut, but he opted for a beating. I knew Alvarez would have backed the retaliation, but Juice just wasn't a killer. I was shaken out of my thoughts by a persistent voice that was saying my name. I looked up and smiled at Chucky. He'd come to visit me a few times and was always good for a laugh and a compliment.

"Hey Milla, can I show you somethin'?" He gave me a smile and I was interested in what he had to offer. I started to nod before a voice interrupted.

"Sorry this little girl's getting some rest." Neeta's voice made me smile and I saw the one on Chucky's face drop.

"I know she needs to rest but this is important." Chucky didn't know he was fighting a battle he'd already lost.

"If it's really important it'll wait until after she's rested. Can you find a clean room, this child's just exhausted. Too much excitement." She came over to the couch and helped me up while Chucky went to Jax's apartment and opened the door. We followed and he smiled.

"Here, it's bigger, clean and I know Jax won't mind." Neeta and I both smiled at him as he opened the door for me. I made Neeta stop before I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks Chucky, tell me what's so important after my nap." He nodded and gave me a smile before Neeta reached over and patted his shoulder. He'd definitely found a place in the SAMCRO family.

"When'd you get here Neeta?" I asked as she helped me get into a comfortable position on the bed.

"I've been talkin' to Chick outside for a little while. I wanted to be sure you weren't over exerting yourself, but it looks like you have. You better not've given your husband a _special_ welcome." She raised her eyebrows and I shook my head.

"No Ma'am, nothing but kisses. Not for lack of trying on my part though." I huffed and she shook her head.

"Stubborn, greedy child. I know you want your man but you better put a hold on that. No sex, every doctor says so. You know how bad he'd feel if he gave you a heart attack? Promise me." She made sure I looked at her before she continued. "Promise me you won't go and do anything stupid. No seducing your husband, you've always been his weakness and capitalizing on other people's weaknesses is your favorite hobby. Do you promise?"

"I promise and I'm not six Neeta. I just really want my husband." I pouted and effectively blew my argument out of the water.

"Then you'll have to wait little bird. Now just lay back and rest a while, they'll let us know when everyone's back." I nodded and felt my eyes go heavy. Maybe I really was tired.

* * *

I wound up taking a brief nap and woke up with a start when I saw that I wasn't in my room. I glanced over and saw Neeta reading her bible with a look of concentration. I also realized that I really needed to pee

"Neeta, I need to use the bathroom. You mind if I go myself? Sense of independence and all that jazz." I gave her my brightest smile and she answered it with a stern look.

"Just down the hall, go slow and I'll be following you."She set down her book and watched me climb out of bed.

I walked down the hallway, I decided I'd go to the good bathroom by the main hall and was shocked when a pancake griddle went sailing by my head and hit John's Panhead. Once it landed I poked my head around the corner and saw my mom stalking off. Shit, something pissed her off and I had to investigate…after I used the bathroom.

Once I was done with the bathroom I walked out to find Juice leaning against the wall. The look on his face was haunted and I was suddenly worried. I scuffed my foot and he looked up. He crossed the distance and pulled me into his arms.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked as I hugged him back the best I could.

"I need to talk to you." I nodded and took his hand. As we passed Neeta she nodded and stayed outside as we went into the apartment. Juice walked me back to the bed and once I was settled he joined me and kept a bit of distance between us.

"What do you need to talk about?" I asked as I got more and more nervous. There was something disconcerting about the distance he'd put between us.

"Do you blame me for Donna baby? I gave Clay the information that set Opie up for a rat and Donna's dead because of it. Did I kill Donna?" He was upset but his questions made no sense. I scooted over to him and turned his face to me. He tried to look away but I held his face in a tighter grip.

"Listen to me baby, listen well. The person responsible, the person who set this all in motion is Stahl. That hatchet-faced bitch has tried to destroy our family from the second she came into our world. Yes, you found the information but the information was planted. I don't know where this came from baby but I would never blame you for this. I never have. You're the Intelligence Officer, that puts a lot of shit at your door but not this. You did not kill Donna baby." I stared into his eyes and saw some of the worry lift. "Where'd this come from?"

"I was talking to Gemma and she brought it up, there was so much accusation. If you felt...goddamn it if you blamed me I don't think I could handle it." He pressed his forehead against mine.

"Baby do you think I would have married you if I blamed you for that? Donna was my sister in every way but blood, I was destroyed when she was killed. Never once did I set the blame on you, you were broken by it too. All I felt was that we shared the pain." I moved my face until I pressed my lips against his before I ended the kiss and pressed my forehead against his. "I love you with everything I am baby. _Never, ever_ doubt that."

"As long as you don't doubt that I love you too baby." He kissed me again and I felt tears moving down my cheeks. I would never doubt his love for me, we'd been through too damn much.

* * *

"They got Tara! She's on her way to the hospital." Koz said as he walked in. He was evidently chosen to be club messenger. The news brought a resounding whoop from those present at the clubhouse and my table in particular. I was sitting with Lyla, Chantal and Juice. Dad felt that his place was with me so he had to stay and he didn't look unhappy about it.

"You can see her tomorrow babe, I know what you're thinking." Juice gave me a smile before he got up and gave Koz a beer who, in return, gave him a well-meaning cuff to the head.

"Hey Wheels, where's the chair?" Koz asked as he walked over and kissed the top of my head.

"Folded behind the bar, my husband has been very helpful getting me around today." I grinned at Juice who took his seat next to me again.

"He better stay that way kiddo." He kissed my head again before her walked over to the bar and got a shot while I continued to grin. Tara was safe and Koz was here, the family was whole. If it was for a day, an hour, or forever it didn't matter because right now I didn't think I could be happier.

"I love it when you smile like that baby." I smiled wider as I leaned over to kiss my husband. Yeah my lips were chapped but I couldn't seem to stop kissing him and he never turned down a kiss. "After we have our meeting I'll take you home baby."

He nuzzled my neck and I found myself giggling. God I wished I could take care of him and take care of myself too. I didn't just miss him, I missed _being_ with him. Fucking heart defect, without that things could have been arranged.

"Don't worry moron, I'll take her home. We know you missed your bike." Juice and I looked over at Chantal, She was offering what I was about to ask for. I wanted Juice to have his bike, I knew he missed his baby.

"You sure?" He asked and we both nodded. I knew he'd be sharing my bed that night and that's what mattered. "Ok, then you should head out now baby, the place is about to get a fuck ton louder."

"Ok, Papi. When you come home come to me, yeah?" I asked as I traced the collar of his cut and he grinned.

"Try to keep me away." He leaned down and kissed me again as I ran my fingers over his Mohawk, damn it I had missed everything about this man.

* * *

After the meeting Juice had come roaring into the driveway followed by Koz and had done as he'd promised he came into my new room and joined me while Koz stomped downstairs. From that Juice didn't even need to tell me that Tig had turned down the transfer. I'd have to beat the blue eyed bastard. Even so, it didn't matter. Even if Koz went Nomad he'd be able to call our house home. I knew he wouldn't go under the radar to get voted in but I could probably persuade him to be temporary SAMCRO and have it go to vote again whenever the guys got back. Koz was one of my favorite people in the world and I knew the feeling was mutual. I'd use that as my bargaining chip. I needed him and he wanted to be here, I probably wouldn't have to work too hard to get my point across.

Juice and I had been in bed for a while just kissing and holding each other before I decided to push the boundaries of my promise to Neeta. I wouldn't seduce my husband _per se _but I could see how far I could get. I may have been Juice's weakness but Neeta had misunderstood his self-control.

"No baby, not gonna happen." Juice said as he moved my hand away.

"If you don't want my hand there are other things…" I let it drift as I started to move toward his crotch but he gently placed his hand on my head and pushed me back up while I pouted.

"I want you more than anything in the world baby, but no. Just let me hold you." I couldn't say anything to that so I simply moved myself into his side and let him hold me. Things were sure to change in the days to come but for now I could just be with the man I loved and right now there was nowhere I'd rather be.

* * *

**Author's note**: This is almost the end of _By Any Means _and I must say this has been a hard one to write. Juice just wasn't around much for Season 3 (damn you Sutter!). I wanted to say that there will be some minor changes to things I've written in the past, mainly because I discovered I got names and spellings wrong along the way. You'll know when you see the changes. Anyway, the conversation Juice had with Gemma was a deleted scene from the episode "June Wedding" I have the SoA App on my IPod and there's an amazing selection of deleted scenes and backstories that I've decided to incorporate. Strangely enough most of the deleted scenes involve Juice. As much as I love Sutter he's doing my boy wrong, Juice needs more screen time damn it. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing, I love you guys.


	13. Chapter 13

**I own nothing you recognize and all original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Good morning beautiful." I smiled as I started to wake up and felt myself pressed tightly against my husband.

"Morning handsome." I leaned my face up for that sleepy good morning kiss and wasn't disappointed. Juice reluctantly pulled away and moved so that he was spooning me. I missed him holding me like this.

"Mmmm, I love holding you." He whispered as he nuzzled the back of my neck and I sighed contently.

"Do we have to go to the breakfast this morning?" I asked and he chuckled before he placed another kiss behind my ear.

"What do you think gorgeous?" His hand moved over my stomach and Espy started kicking, she evidently liked having her Daddy back.

"I think I wanna blow you." I said hopefully but pouted when I felt him shake his head.

"As much as I want those beautiful lips wrapped around my dick it ain't gonna happen. Didn't the doctor say no sexual excitement baby?" He asked as he placed another kiss and I found myself pouting again.

"Maybe we could hook up if we went slow…" I left it out there and he chuckled to himself.

"No, I want you just as much baby but not at risk to yourself or Espy. Now you stay here while I go take a shower." I perked up and he laughed again, "You can't join me, just rest here and I'll help you get dressed. Chantal's gonna stop by in a little bit to take you, I'll be taking my bike."

"Chantal's coming to the breakfast?" I knew she was ingratiating herself to the club but I never expected this.

"Phil's guest, also I would like someone to watch you since this is Neeta's day off and your other nurse won't be here til tonight. I have to shower baby." He kissed my cheek before he got off the other side of the bed and moved out of the room. I watched him walk out in only his boxers and mourned the fact that the next time I saw him he'd be fully clothed. With a sigh I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I had this nagging thought at the back of my head that something was in the air, something big stirring up and I hoped I was wrong because every time I had that feeling bad things happened.

* * *

"Millipede!" Jax shouted as he enveloped me in a hug while I sat at a central table with Lyla and Ellie.

"Jax, god it's so good to see you." I said as I hugged him as tight as I was able. Tara came up behind him and once he stood up handed Abel to him before she leaned down to hug me. "God, Tara, I'm so happy you're here in one piece."

"Me too, sweetheart. I have to make the rounds here but we are talking later." She put her hand in mine and squeezed while I nodded. God seeing her there and in good spirits took a huge weight off my shoulders.

"We need to talk squirt, once things calm down around here." Jax said before he moved away and I nodded.

The breakfast was in full swing. Ellie had abandoned me to play with Angie and Piper while Lyla was cuddling with Opie on one of the couches. Koz was sitting with me while Chantal made the rounds getting to know other Old Ladies and Sons. Juice stayed with me, rubbing my back, getting me food, just being there and I appreciated his attentiveness. I could tell that something was up, this definitely wasn't a "glad to be a family" gathering, there was tension. I decided to leave my feelings to myself and just enjoy having my family together and whole for however long it would be.

"Hey Milla." I looked up from my recently filled plate into the face of Unser. I was still stung by his betrayal but since he'd been bitten in the ass I could let it pass so I smiled at him.

"Why, hello Chief. Did you get some of Mom's cinnamon rolls? They're like iced heaven." I smiled wider and Juice chuckled at my side.

"Oh I ate my share. How are you feeling? How's the baby?" I placed my hand on my stomach and was almost lost in thought for a moment.

"As long as I keep my emotions and heart in check I'll be good and Esperanza's a jewel. Best thing in my life right now, well one of the two best things in my life." I said before I turned to Juice who gave me a gentle kiss.

"I'm happy to hear that darlin', we good now?" Unser was never one to beat around the bush. Neither was I.

"You with us?" I asked and Juice started massaging my neck.

"Always shoulda been sweetheart." I nodded and he nodded back. We were on sure footing again.

"Would you like to sit with us Uncle Wayne?" He smiled as I used the old moniker but shook his head.

"That's nice sweetheart but I need to talk to your Dad a bit. Be good." He leaned down and kissed my forehead before he went to talk to my Dad.

"I gota go talk to Ope about something baby." Juice said as he used the hand on my neck to guide me into a kiss before he got up and moved to the couch where Opie and Lyla were still cuddling.

"You ok?" I looked up and saw Koz watching me, I knew that look, he was worried. Something must have shown on my face and I had to shake my head.

"Not really. Here we are at this big family breakfast and I feel like it's a sham. We aren't good, haven't been for so long and I'm so scared Koz, so fucking scared." I felt tears in my eyes, this was the first time I'd cried since Juice got back and it was a record. The longest I'd gone without tears since the memorial service. Koz got up and moved his chair right next to mine before he leaned over and put his arm around me.

"I'm not gonna lie sweetheart, you have reason to be scared. We all do but you're strong, you've been through more in the last two weeks than most people are through in their entire lives and you've made it through. I know you'll make it through this and you know what? You have me, no matter where I am just pick up that phone and I'll come runnin', it's what family's for." He grinned and I couldn't help but smile back as I leaned into the hug and he kissed the top of my head. No matter how old I got I'd always be a kid to Kozik.

"Thanks, I needed that." I grabbed a napkin from the table and wiped my eyes before I blew my nose and Koz moved back but kept his arm resting against the back of my chair.

"Anytime kiddo, now you finish that breakfast before Juice takes my balls for distracting you." I giggled before I attacked my plate. I was hungrier than I thought.

* * *

I sat in the corner with Ellie, disconcerted by the events that had just transpired. Opie had asked Lyla to marry him and she'd obviously said yes. As much as I loved both of them and liked how they were together I couldn't support this, it was too fucking soon. Ellie sat next to me and rested her head on my shoulder and I knew it was too soon for her too. She had just started getting along with Lyla and this was going to derail everything.

"Aunt Milla?" I looked down into Ellie's face before I tilted my head and brought our foreheads together.

"Yeah baby?" She sniffled a little and my heart broke.

"It's all going to change again, isn't it?" She asked as she moved so our heads weren't touching any more.

"That's the one thing you can count on Ellie doll, everything changes, and sometimes it's great. Before you ask, your Dad loved and still loves your Mom; he just let his heart grow for Lyla. She loves all of you and would die for you. In this life it's all you can ask for." I reached over with my good hand and she took it.

"Sometimes I hate this life." Ellie said and I had to smile.

"Me too baby but it's the life that we were given so we've gotta live it. We'll talk to your Dad later, see if you can stay with me for a little bit. Uncle Juice or Uncle Koz could take you to school. How does that sound?" I looked over and this time she smiled.

"Great! We can watch the Disney Channel, make cookies, do makeo-" She looked over at me and took in my sling and the portable heart monitor. "Sorry, I forgot you were hurt."

"Don't worry about it doll. Remember we have my nurses, Neeta, Chantal and Aunt Tara would probably love to come over and spend time with us. They would be glad to help with cookie baking and makeovers." This had the desired effect. Ellie grinned as she leaned over and kissed my cheek before she walked over to Tara and tapped her arm. Tara leaned down and talked to her in hushed tones before they both looked at me and we three shared a smile. Ellie would have us. Tara placed a hand on Ellie's shoulder and included her in the talk she was having with Bobby and Ellie looked prouder than a peacock to be there with her.

"Hey Millipede." I looked over and couldn't keep the smile off my face when I looked at my brother.

"Jax…" I leaned over and he hugged me before he moved away and slung his arm across my shoulders.

"I've missed you squirt." He kissed my head and I had to force myself not to cry.

"Missed you too bro. It's so good to have you back, not just physically but _you_. You aren't the same man who went to Belfast." I knew it was a heavy topic but he nodded and smiled.

"That's because I'm not. Damn, things were bad, weren't they?" He asked rhetorically but I nodded anyway, "I almost lost everything and that made me realize that all the sidestepping, indecisiveness, trying to be something I wasn't was hurting everyone. I almost lost Tara, my son, Mom, you… Shit Mills, it showed me that I had to fight for this, for our family. It also showed me that I have to start listening to people. Like my little sister who isn't afraid to tell me that my head's up my ass. Thank you Milla."

"I'm just glad you're back." He grinned as he pulled me tighter and kissed my forehead.

"So am I. Listen Koz told me a little bit about what's going on in your head and I want you to know that everything _will _work out. Please trust me with this Mills. We'll all come back to you." That was it, the waterworks had started and Jax held me while I cried.

"You said you wanted to talk to her, not make her cry." I looked up at Juice who was smiling at the sight of Jax holding me while tears poured down my face.

"She's pregnant, she cries. It's just one of those things." Jax smiled and squeezed me tight before he got off the couch and kissed my forehead again. Juice held out his hand and I took it before he hoisted me up and began walking me to the dorms. Once we got to one he opened the door and ushered me inside. I sat on the bed and looked expectantly at him.

"Baby, we need to talk." Juice was bouncing on his feet while he stood by the door. When he ran his hand over his Mohawk and I knew he was nervous about something.

"Whatever you need." He turned around and sat on the bed next to me while I took his hand.

"We're going in soon baby and I have no idea when we'll be out." I could feel the color drain from my face and I started to get cold. This was the very last thing I wanted to talk about.

"I can't talk about this right now." My throat and my chest were tight but he just shook his head.

"We have to, I know you're getting Tribal Assistance and Lowen set it up so that you'll get spousal assistance once I get in and you have the Tribal insurance so I know you won't be hurting for money or medical care but I want you ok baby. I mean it, I know that you and I have this relationship where we depend on each other, maybe a little too much, but I need you to depend on yourself baby. I need you to go on without me because if you fall apart who's going to be there for Esperanza?" Tears were falling from my eyes as a steady stream by this time and he used his thumbs to wipe them away while he held my face in his hands. "I love you and our baby more than anything in the world and I need you to promise me that you'll be strong, that you'll be the rock she needs."

"I don't know if I can. You've been my everything since I met you in the office that afternoon and I'm not sure I can live without you." My tears stopped being silent as I started to sob.

"I know you can baby and I know that you're fucking terrified right now but you can do this. You know why?" I shook my head, "Because you're a tough, sexy bitch you won't let anything stand in the way of raising our baby right, not even your own neuroses. You'll be strong because Esperanza needs you strong. She'll be the only link you have to me on the outside and I know you'll love her and protect her or die trying. Today is gonna be tough baby and I need you ok, if not for me or yourself than for our daughter, our princess."

"You're going for retaliation aren't you? Jimmy O...the Irish…" I looked into his face and saw the truth there. Today was going to be big.

"Promise me that you'll stay out of this. Once breakfast is done go home, maybe go with Tara, Lyla, even Chantal. Just spend the day with the girls. I'll check in and I won't be leaving you, not when I have you in my arms again." I sniffled and stopped my tears. Juice was right I had to be strong for my daughter, for my family. I took a deep breath and he looked into my eyes. What he saw there must have been what he was looking for since he swooped in and gave me a gentle kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered as his hands moved from my face and I moved in for another kiss. This kiss was deep and passionate as I started to move toward him. We both moaned as the kiss deepened and his hand found its way to my breast. I maneuvered and managed to get his pants unzipped and slipped my hand inside. I could tell he was getting too far gone to care and began to move even closer. I didn't know how far this would go or if it would even approach gentle but I needed to try. To quote Neeta, I was a "stubborn greedy child" and I needed this. His hand moved from my breast and found its way between my legs as I soundlessly encouraged him and he had just gotten to the outside of my panties when there was a loud knock at the door. Juice seemed to snap out of his trance and looked at me with glazed eyes as I settled next to him on the bed and tried to catch my breath.

"Juice, we need you out here man and Lyla's taking Milla to Tara's for some bonding." Opie's voice came clear and clean through the door, I just knew he'd been sent to check on us, we'd been in here way too long. Juice licked his lips and took a deep breath before he moved away from me and straightened his shirt and cut.

"Damn, Ope has good timing." Juice gave me a smile while I nodded. My heart was beating fast and I realized just why the doctor had said no sexual excitement. "You ok baby?"

"Yeah, just feeling stupid. I should have had better self-control than that." That made him laugh before he leaned over and kissed me, chastely this time.

"You have _no_ self control baby, at least when it comes to sex. I love you; now go have a good day with your girls." I nodded and we both got off the bed. He got to the door first and opened it for me, Ope was leaning against the side with a knowing smile on his face so I stuck my tongue out at him and felt better. He just smiled and followed behind. I stopped at the table with Lyla and Tara while Juice kissed me soundly.

"I love you and no matter what happens today I'll always find my way home to you. You and Espy are my home." I didn't know where it came from but I nodded and kissed him again.

"I love you too, mi Corazon." He smiled and gave me one last kiss before he went out the door with Opie. The bad feeling I'd had all day intensified and I had to sit down.

"You ok?" Tara asked as she finished loading up Abel's diaper bag.

"Peachy, ready to go get some serious Old Lady bonding done?" Lyla laughed and helped me to my feet as we went out. Chantal had gotten called in to work but she promised to be back later, it was a huge relief to have her around. With Lyla's arm linked with mine we took her car while Tara took the cutlass and went to Jax's house, a place that didn't hold any more demons.

* * *

"How you doin' Tara?" I asked as I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. Lyla was in the living room getting things set up for the kids, she knew I needed some alone time with Tara.

"I'm fine, you have more to deal with. You were the one that was shot." Classic Tara, trying to draw the attention away from herself.

"You were the one who was kidnapped and assaulted. You know you don't have to be like Ma right?" She gave me a puzzled look and I continued, "You don't have to be all stoic and silently nurse the pain. You can be strong without being cold. Tara I have total faith in you and love you. I'm here to help you work through everything."

"Thank you." She said quietly as she leaned over and kissed my cheek. I knew that she wouldn't talk now but when the time was right she would open up. My fears were unfounded, she was nothing like Ma.

* * *

"I love you." I said quietly as Juice held me.

"So damn much baby." He kissed me gently for what had to be the dozenth time since he had gotten off his bike and crossed the lot to where I was standing with Ma.

He hugged me tight and refused to let go. I held him the best that I could and tried to beat down the feeling in the pit of my stomach which told me something big was coming, bigger than anything yet. He leaned in for another kiss when our attention was brought to the entrance to the lot where my brother's bike pulled in followed by two dark sedans and a paddywagon.

"What's going on baby?" I was suddenly more afraid than I'd ever been and he kissed my forehead.

"I don't know, go over to Lyla. We'll find out." I nodded and threw my good arm around his neck for a tight hug. He held me tight before he gave me one last kiss and nudged me over to Lyla.

Lyla wrapped her arm around my waist and we watched while the cuntfaced bitch started harassing my father. I couldn't hear what was said but everyone was tense. Dad said something and Juice and Tig opened the garage up and got into the cutlass' trunk, ah, they'd asked for Jimmy. Lyla and I watched as Juice and Tig pulled him out while an agent checked to make sure he was unharmed. Lyla tugged me and we walked over to the row of bikes. Now I was close enough that I could hear bits of what was being said.

"…luck of the Irish though, yeah?" Jimmy said and I wanted to put a bullet between his eyes. By all counts he should have been dead but he wasn't and now he was walking out with the bitch as she smugly surveyed what was going on around her.

Dad said something and Stahl looked around her, a smug triumphant look on her face as she looked at my brother. She said something and Jax sprang into action.

"Son of a bitch!" He yelled as he launched himself at her and the agents kept him away. The guys were asking questions and Jax looked apologetic before Bobby launched himself and pushed Jax.

"You ratted!" Suddenly the blood was rushing through my ears and it was all I could hear. My brother was a rat…no, no, no this couldn't be. The last person in the world to fucking rat would be Jax, then I looked at the bitch and saw the folders in her hand. No fucking way, I couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it. The rushing slowed down and I heard my father as he pointed at Jax. Jax was a dead man, if Dad didn't do it one of the others would. Tears streamed down my face as Mom went up to them and was held back as agents started taking the men away.

"NO!" I shouted as I broke from Lyla and ran to Juice. I threw my arm around his neck but the agent tried to pull him away.

"Let the princess say goodbye to her outlaw." She said and the agent stopped as Juice pulled me into his arms and started whispering in my ear.

"It'll be ok baby, go to your Mom, she needs you. Remember you and Espy are my home, I love you baby." He kissed me and squeezed again before the agent tugged him away and I went to Mom who was sobbing as much as I was.

I stood by her, not seeing anything but my husband being led into the back of the wagon. He glanced out and nodded at me, the nod simply meant "everything will be ok" and I didn't believe it for a second. He turned around and I lost strength in my legs as I sunk to the ground. I watched as the wagon pulled out and was starting to get numb. It was old friend and bitter enemy all at once and as it started to seep into my bones Esperanza kicked and it snapped me out of it. Lyla moved over to me and helped me up while I stopped the tears. Espy needed her Mommy and needed her strong. I could be strong for her.

* * *

"He's so beautiful." I whispered as I stared down at Abel as we sat in her bed. Mom and I needed each other and there was no denying it.

"Esperanza will be just as beautiful." Mom gave me a guarded smile and I nodded, my baby would be half of her father, of course she'd be beautiful. I rested my head on Mom's shoulder and she kissed my forehead. We sat there just watching Abel sleep for a long while before there was a knock at the door. We both looked up and Lyla was standing with Phil and Miles.

"They need to see you." she said and Mom simply nodded her head as they came in.

"Jax wanted you to read this then burn it." Phil said as he handed Mom a letter. She gave me a look and I nodded, this was private so I kissed her cheek and moved around the bed until I could stand alongside Lyla.

"What is this?" Mom asked as she took the letter out of the envelope and began unfolding it. Phil looked uncomfortable but answered her anyway.

"I don't know." He shrugged and moved slightly toward the door. Miles moved forward, respectfully.

"Is Tara here?" He asked and Mom looked at him coolly.

"No she's at Jax's." I almost flinched at her tone, I knew she wanted Tara here with us and considered it bad form that she wasn't.

"Ok have a good night." Miles said and he and Phil moved out the door while Lyla and I stood by the door and waited for Mom to dismiss us. She took the letter and reached to the nightstand to get her reading glasses. She started to unfold them before she looked over at us and gave a small smile with a nod. We were dismissed. I waved at Mom before I went outside with Lyla and she helped me down the stairs. Once I got down the stairs I felt exhausted, today had been physically and emotionally draining. Lyla took me to the den and I almost started to cry when I saw Koz sitting in the recliner smoking while Opie sat in the other chair staring at the wall. Both men got up and took turns hugging me and Lyla. When Opie hugged me I felt a change in him and I held his bicep as he tried to move away.

"What did you do Ope?" I asked and he leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"I righted a wrong." That was all he said and I hugged him again. I'd get the story in time so for now I could be patient.

"Ready to go home little momma?" Koz asked as he placed his arm across my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

"So ready." I said as I snuggled closer to Koz. He was my big brother in every way but blood and I needed him. Before we went out the door I stopped in front of Lyla.

"Keep an eye on Ma, let me know how she's doing." She nodded before she hugged me and kissed my cheek.

As soon as I got in the car I felt my bones turn to jelly, it wouldn't surprise me if Koz had to carry me in the house. I was grateful Koz had borrowed the caddy from Piney, there was no chance of being caught off guard by Juice's scent in here. Koz got in soon after me and I looked over and smiled.

"Thank you for everything Koz." He smiled back before he reached over and tousled my hair.

"No problem." He started the car and backed us out the driveway before he started driving us toward my house, only instead of going straight he took a right and drove to the park here he drove to a corner spot and stopped the car.

"What's going on Koz?" I asked and sat straight while Koz ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me.

"Juice and Clay wanted me to deliver a message to you." I nodded, I was actually expecting this, only I was expecting Phil to be the messenger. "Jax isn't a rat. We had this planned from the beginning but we felt it was better to keep all the ladies out of it."

There were tears in my eyes, tears of joy, my brother wasn't a rat. He wouldn't be killed and I'd be getting him back with the others.

"Everything we did had a purpose and it worked out, the guys get out in fourteen months barring killing anyone and they'll get weekly visitation, including family visitation, it was part of the deal. That means you can see Juicy boy once a week and he'll get to meet Esperanza right away. You see sweetheart? It worked out for the best." I nodded as I continued to cry tears of joy. My daughter would know her father and I'd get to see my man once a week.

"Thank you." I whispered and he smiled before he put the car into drive and we were on our way home. "Koz?"

"Yeah sweetheart?" Koz asked as we moved onto the street.

"I know you don't wanna be voted in under the wire, but I need you and Espy needs you." He reached over and ruffled my hair.

"I already talked to Clay. I'm being voted in as a temporary member of SAMCRO while the guys are in, then once they're out it gets put to vote again. I wouldn't abandon you Milla, not when you need me the most." I looked over and smiled.

They were in prison and would be for a while longer but I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. I'd get to see Juice once a week and Esperanza could come with me. She'd know her Daddy and her grandpa and all her uncles. With that positive thought I felt my eyes drift shut and I was out like a light, content that my world hadn't stopped spinning.

**Author's Note:** There we are, the end of _By Any Means, _it was a long hard road but I feel like I accomplished something with this story. This is by no means the end and another story will be started soon. I need to show Esperanza being brought into the world and how Juice responds to having a baby now. The guys will still be in prison but I decided to add the visitation thing. It was part of Gemma's deal so I thought it would work out well for the guys. I wish they could have conjugal visits ;) but Federal Prisons don't allow such visitations. The new story will also be working collaboratively with Superdani, since I'll be including a character from her fic _The Nurse and the Son_ and we'll have to sync up our timelines. Anyway, thank you all for reading and reviewing I truly do love and appreciate all my readers.


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